I remember the day I received the phone call and text. You
were seven weeks along and you had lost your sweet angel. Sure, I came to visit
you in the hospital, called you, texted you and cried with you but I didn’t
really get it. I was not yet a mom and had no idea the bond and love for a
child from the very minute of conception. I went on about my life, didn’t
remember the anniversary of your loss and never realized how difficult Mother’s
Day would be for you. I said all the wrong things from “they are back with
Jesus” to “thank goodness you were not that far along.” These horrible things
were a far cry from what you needed and wanted to hear. I’m sorry. I thought
all the wrong things too from “how can she be so upset?” to “she can have more
babies.” I never even asked if you gave them a name so we could talk about them
regularly and how loved they in fact were. I in fact never brought them up
again, in fear I would upset you. That was wrong, because you think of them
every single day and remember there is a missing piece to your family. I never
imagined the hurt it must bring you seeing my children that would be around his
or her age right now, always wondering who they might have been.
The very minute I found out I was going to be a mom and
every time after, I think of you friend. I have never told anyone but I cry for
you often. You have more children now, but none can even replace the sweet
angel that is not here. I know I didn't do everything right then but I want you
to know that I am trying to make up for it now. I do things differently when I
have a friend with the loss of an angel baby. I do this because of you and your
angel baby. The special baby is making a difference in this world and in the
hearts of others just like mine even though they were only here for seven short
weeks. I also want you to know that I
get it now, it get it. I will never fully get it because I have never had a
loss but now being a mom, I understand. The bond with your child is instant,
even if you never get to meet them.
I am so sorry for not being the kind of friend you needed
during such a painful time. I am sorry for not recognizing your loss, just
because we were never able to meet him or her doesn't mean they didn't’ exist.
If I could do it over, if I could have been there for you after I was already a
mom I would have done things differently. I would talk to you more about the
baby, ask the name, ask to see ultrasound pictures, send you a card and call
you on the anniversary, call you on the birthday the angel baby would have had,
remind you on Mother’s Day that you are still a mom even though they are not
here with you. I would cry with you, bring you meals, think of you often and
let you know and I would send you gifts that help you always remember that
someone else things of your angel baby just as often as you do. I would walk
with you in the valley and help you carry that burden for as long as needed.
You see, I can now be this kind of friend to mommy friends that have suffered a loss because of your angel baby. In seven weeks, without ever even meeting them, they chang
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