Open Apology To My Friends That Had A Miscarriage Before I Was A Mom

I remember the day I received the phone call and text. You were seven weeks along and you had lost your sweet angel. Sure, I came to visit you in the hospital, called you, texted you and cried with you but I didn’t really get it. I was not yet a mom and had no idea the bond and love for a child from the very minute of conception. I went on about my life, didn’t remember the anniversary of your loss and never realized how difficult Mother’s Day would be for you. I said all the wrong things from “they are back with Jesus” to “thank goodness you were not that far along.” These horrible things were a far cry from what you needed and wanted to hear. I’m sorry. I thought all the wrong things too from “how can she be so upset?” to “she can have more babies.” I never even asked if you gave them a name so we could talk about them regularly and how loved they in fact were. I in fact never brought them up again, in fear I would upset you. That was wrong, because you think of them every single day and remember there is a missing piece to your family. I never imagined the hurt it must bring you seeing my children that would be around his or her age right now, always wondering who they might have been.

The very minute I found out I was going to be a mom and every time after, I think of you friend. I have never told anyone but I cry for you often. You have more children now, but none can even replace the sweet angel that is not here. I know I didn't do everything right then but I want you to know that I am trying to make up for it now. I do things differently when I have a friend with the loss of an angel baby. I do this because of you and your angel baby. The special baby is making a difference in this world and in the hearts of others just like mine even though they were only here for seven short weeks.  I also want you to know that I get it now, it get it. I will never fully get it because I have never had a loss but now being a mom, I understand. The bond with your child is instant, even if you never get to meet them.

I am so sorry for not being the kind of friend you needed during such a painful time. I am sorry for not recognizing your loss, just because we were never able to meet him or her doesn't mean they didn't’ exist. If I could do it over, if I could have been there for you after I was already a mom I would have done things differently. I would talk to you more about the baby, ask the name, ask to see ultrasound pictures, send you a card and call you on the anniversary, call you on the birthday the angel baby would have had, remind you on Mother’s Day that you are still a mom even though they are not here with you. I would cry with you, bring you meals, think of you often and let you know and I would send you gifts that help you always remember that someone else things of your angel baby just as often as you do. I would walk with you in the valley and help you carry that burden for as long as needed.

You see, I can now be this kind of friend to mommy friends that have suffered a loss because of your angel baby. In seven weeks, without ever even meeting them, they chang

The Five Types Of Children You Meet In the Grocery Store

It’s that moment you go into the grocery alone. You are on a mini vacation while the husband is at home with the children. You plan on leisurely strolling down every aisle, picking up every single item and pretend to read the ingredients just to waste extra time. You taste test the free samples and even go back for seconds. Then suddenly, out of nowhere you hear it. It stops you dead in your tracks and you panic for a moment wondering if that was your child you just heard screaming down an aisle. Nope, not yours, not this time anyways. While on your mini vacation at the grocery store you might run into these five children while you are trying to relax, beware they might make your mini vacation feel more like a stressful day trip.

1.)    The Screamer- You can’t see her yet, but you can hear her clear across the store. She didn’t want to be put into the cart, she wanted to walk and help push the cart into things on the shelf, things in the aisle and random strangers. Her mom wouldn’t let her eat the donuts as they were walking around the store or she wanted to buckle herself in all by herself. The screamer is relentless and will not stop until mom eventually abandons the grocery cart and exits the store quickly.

2.)    The Shelf Grabber- You’ve seen this one, the poor mom pulls a little too close to the shelf, usually the shelf filled with breakable items and before she knows it, she just went from purchasing one jar of baby dill pickles to five. They also just set the entire store into complete panic from the very loud noise of all the glass breaking. You can also point out former shelf grabbers, the mom usually steers the cart directly down the middle of the aisle and doesn’t get close to the shelf after an incident has occurred. Shelf grabbers usually have good reach though and can manage to figure out a way to still knock an item off the store display in the aisle if they can’t reach initial target on shelf.

3.)    The Eater- This child is basically having dinner in the cart while mom shops. They have opened almost everything in the cart, usually just the snacks and they are chowing down. By the time mom gets to the checkout line, she is filling the conveyor belt with empty items.

4.)    The Runner- There she goes! Mom put her down for two seconds because she wanted to “walk like a big girl.” What she really meant is “Put me down so I can bolt down these aisles while you try and catch me.” There goes mom, chasing after her all while calling her name and begging her to stop. She laughs and smiles at every person she passes, deep down she is in pure panic mode and worrying about where she left her cart. Once the runner is caught, mom makes sure she buckles her in. The runner that has been caught, usually turns into the screamer.

5.)    The Aisle Blocker- “Excuse me sweetie. Excuse me. Can I just get past you really quick?” No response. Mom is further down the aisle shopping and the aisle blocker is right in the middle and refuses to let you pass. You swerve to the left with your cart, they dart in front of you. You stand there waiting for mom to notice she has an aisle blocker, doesn’t happen, she’s in the zone. There is no resolution with the aisle blocker, even getting close to them with your cart results in nothing. You are going to have to take a long detour, go around to the next aisle and back up the aisle to go around the aisle blocker.

A Glimpse Into My Thoughts After Having Baby

Let’s be honest, having a baby is very overwhelming, especially your first. You are consumed with emotions, hormones and fears. You go from worrying about your sweet baby inside your stomach to worrying about them the minute they are delivered. Some of my thoughts after giving birth stay the same and others I am not prepared for. I don’t know if you can relate but here is a glimpse inside my first few thoughts after having my first child. Things escalated rather quickly as you are about to read…..

“I don’t hear his cry”

“Wait there it is, he’s ok, and sounds like his lungs are good.”

“Fingers and toes, does he have ten fingers and ten toes. Count them now!”

“Ok, they are all there.”

“Did I have a bowel movement while delivering and nobody told me? Oh my God, please no.”

“Who cares, so what if I did, they have probably seen it before.”

“Can I have him in my arms yet??”

“Look how perfect he is!! I dare someone to say he has a cone head!”

“Let me just take a peek at all that hair under his cap.”

“No hair, it’s ok, he won’t be bald forever right??”

“Wait, why does my stomach still look pregnant, they got everything out right??”

“Maybe they left something in there!”

“I can’t keep my eyes open.”

“No really, they weight one hundred pounds right now.”

“Just a little doze…oh my god how long was I out? Where am I?”

“So, what do we do now that he’s here?”

“Maybe he will sleep all through the night, he seems to be a really good sleeper right now.”

“I think I will get up and put my regular clothes on now.”

“Oh dear, why won’t my jeans fit past my big toe?”

“Please don’t tell me I still have to wear maternity clothes??”

“Wait, I don’t remember wearing underwear with holes all in them?”

“Did I just pee myself when I got up?”

“What is going on with my body??”

Newborn Lockdown

This is what I have been on for the past seven weeks.  It's that time that your pediatrician puts the fear of God in you about leaving the house for any length of time because anywhere you go is a germ infested nightmare.  Just when you get the courage to venture (sneak) out on your own, you can hear the voice of the pediatrician and you know at the next visit they will question you about it.  They will stare you in the eyes and say “Did you leave the house at any point?” It’s not that you doubt your pediatrician, you just want to double check their advice. What do you do? 

The only logical thing of course, you Google it, find out if anyone else has left the house with a newborn and went into public early on.  You will get fifty-eight million different answers from mom's on the Baby Center, most of which will ask you "what kind of mom thinks about taking their newborn out that early?!" Since I have not been able to leave the house much, it has given me plenty of time to learn about my new guy. I would like to share with you what newborn lock down looks like for us and for those of you that will soon be experiencing this.

1.) He is constantly plotting

All that projectile vomit it not an accident.  He plans to avoid the burp cloth and aim straight for my hair, face, the seventh outfit I have just changed him into or down my shirt.  Even though he can't laugh just yet, I am pretty sure he is laughing on the inside as I panic to find anything in sight that will clean up the vomit while trying to stop it from going anywhere else.  He possibly has his father's sense of humor.

2.) He’s secretly an owl.

He sleeps the entire day away, come 11pm to 3am he is wide away and extremely happy about it. 

3.) He’s a little Houdini

The entire time we were at the hospital this guy wiggled his way out of even the most experienced nurses' swaddle.  You put a blanket on him, he will be sleeping and still kicking his way out of it.  Its pure talent really, I see it as a possible milestone.

4.) He is an over-achiever

At seven weeks this guy holds his head up for a long time and drinks six ounces like it's nothing.  Between the Houdini act and this, I'm pretty sure it should be documented and noted on admission applications to college.

5.) He has a mission

His mission is to help me lose weight.  I know this because every time I go to sit down after heating up a meal, he starts to cry.  It wouldn't be so bad if the food wasn't sitting right in front of me and I could smell it the entire time I am feeding him.  

All jokes aside, I am so blessed to be home and learning all these amazing and funny things about my two guys.  I find that my days are so much more fulfilling and entertaining with a newborn and two cheerio smashing, Mickey Mouse obsessed, on nap strike toddlers running around. 

6 Things All Moms Have Googled

I can bet that if we all compared our search history on Google, they would be very similar. It is the questions you don’t want to call your pediatrician about or you have already called him twenty times and you just need to make sure he is right. Then there are the times you want to search for a rash so when you go to the pediatrician you can advise them as to what it is and what cream they need to prescribe. Its okay, you can admit that you have searched the six things below, we won’t judge you because we have all done it too.  

"Is this poop color normal??”- As a first time mom especially, the color of poop can become a bit worrisome. You analyze every single thing about it and can’t dare ask a friend or your mother because you clearly do not want them to think you are overreacting over poop. Even though deep down you are panicked.

"Web MD”-I bet you just laughed out loud when you read that. This honestly should be banned from all mom’s computers. Things can get escalated pretty quickly on that website, your child just went from having a rash caused by allergic reaction to scarlet fever.

"What is this rash??”-Babies and kids get rashes, especially babies from head to toe. No rash is exactly the same and most of the time it’s nothing. However, you just found pictures of rashes on Google and none of them look exactly like your child’s. You suddenly panic thinking your child has a new strain of rash that has not been diagnosed ever!

"MAJOR projectile vomiting”-I remember being a first time mom and my son did the whole exorcist projectile spit up. I searched it on the internet and then frantically called our pediatrician at two am on a Sunday morning. He was pretty sure from my voice message it was a crisis. He calmed my fears and now on baby number three, projectile spit up does not make me flinch.

"How does this outfit snap??”- We've all been there, middle of the night, half asleep, changing them into a new outfit. Suddenly, you can’t be sure if it’s the sleep deprivation or if this outfit has a malfunction. You think “Am I missing something?” You are going to need to check this out online. Surely, other parents are having problems with this outfit snapping, it can’t just be you.

“Is that noise he is making normal??”- From the way they cry, the sounds they make when they sleep and even the noises they make when they laugh. New moms and veteran moms alike sometimes have a hard time deciphering if a noise is normal or not. I can assure you though chances are if you go to Web MD with this, your child will have whooping cough by the end of the search.

Dear Single Mom

Dear Single Mom,

We've never met and I am not a single mom. You might be wondering why I am writing you. It is because I am the daughter of a single mother. I wanted to take a minute to encourage you and hopefully give you a perspective from your child’s point of view on being raised by a single mom.

You may be wondering if you will ever be good enough. If you will ever be able to fill the void and be the mother and father to your child. You worry that your child may grow up resentful or feeling less than others because they only have a mother.

I know you have concerns about having to work so much to make ends meet. You come home from working a full time job, only to leave later to the part time evening job so you can pay the bills. As you send your child to another family member or sitter for one more day. You cry because you spend more time at work than with your child. You wonder if your child will look back and see a life filled with no father and an absent mother.

You stay up late at night, working on another paper. You are determined to get a better education so that you can only work one job and spend more time with your child. You begin to wonder if the late nights will be worth it. You wake up exhausted and do it all over again.

As a daughter raised by a single mother, raised without a father in my life. My mother worked two jobs, attended college full time and struggled to make ends meet. During her college years, we lived with my grandmother. While she worked and attended school I was with a sitter or a family member if possible straight from school.

I am who I am today because I was raised by a single mother. Watching her work both jobs tirelessly to pay the bills and to help fun my extracurricular activities at school taught me dedication. It showed me that mother’s but especially single mothers have a drive and are capable of anything they set their minds to. I knew growing up I wanted to be just like me mom, fearless. I never felt shuffled from sitter to sitter. I have wonderful relationships even now as an adult with both of my baby sitters. They are amazing women and help mentor me.

I never missed not having a father in my life. My mom attended all school functions and big events in my life. I had family members that lovingly stepped in and filled a void. Uncles that became my hero’s and a grandfather that became like a father.

Single mom, you are amazing. You are so much stronger than you can ever imagine. You may think you are not doing a good enough job. That you work too much, that you spend too much time with school work that you want to just give up. The little person that is watching you sees something you might be missing. They see that you are there, not giving up on them and willing to do whatever it takes to help them thrive. Single mom you are more than enough. Hold your head up and know that you are doing something that not most could do.

Sincerely,

The Daughter of a Single Mom

When Your Birth Plan Doesn't Go As Planned

I will be the first to admit that as a new mom preparing for labor and delivery, I did not have a birth plan. My plan was to have a healthy baby, whatever way that was going to be. By whatever way possible I completely meant a natural birth. As you can imagine with my first child being born naturally, I was not disappointed with my plan. Then along came my second child, let’s just say he decided to mix things up a little bit. He decided to become breech at 30 weeks pregnant and stay that way. This sweet child of mine still does things his own way. Suddenly, I realized this was by no means part of my “birth plan.” Yes, I wanted a healthy baby, however I always envisioned that healthy baby being born naturally not by surgery.

I recall the moments before I was taken in for surgery and someone said something to the effect of “This is just terrible you are having a c-section. Nobody wants that and I was praying this wouldn’t happen.” I am sure the intentions were well meaning, but in my emotional and fragile state all I heard was “failure, “birth plan failed.” I began sobbing so hard, she was right, nobody wants a surgery. This was not at all what I had planned.

I remember my husband asked if I wanted him to pray with me. I couldn't speak through my sobs, I just shook my head “yes.” In his prayer he said “God, I am so thankful that you gave me a wife, a mother to my children that is willing to do whatever it takes to get our son here safely into our arms. You knew when you chose her to his mother that she would be willing to take this on even if the face of fear and the unknown.” I will never forget those words, they are the words that calmed my soul and warmed my heart. They are the words that made me suck up my tears and say with confidence “Let’s get this guy here.”

When I first heard his cry, saw his face, touched his check and kissed his face nothing else mattered. I had forgotten everything else, even that things didn't go as planned. It’s funny how moms can do this so quickly. When we hold our babies we forget about all the pain, tears, weight gain, and sleepless nights for the last nine months. We forget about the zombie state we are about to encounter once they arrive and then we are ready and willing to do it all over again.

My birth plan did not go nearly as I had planned but it went exactly how God had planned all along. The minute we know life is growing inside of us, we instantly put ourselves last and our child first. We make birth plans but the reality is, we are willing to throw that all at the window when faced with the decision to get our baby here healthy. God knew I was going to be scared, feel like a failure and be filled with worry. He knew that regardless, I would be willing to face those things and go with how He wanted our sweet son brought into this world.

In the end, how he got here is just how God wanted him to get here, it was God’s birth plan for him all along, not mine. 

You Do Measure Up

Often times as a mother I feel as though I do not measure up. I find myself looking at others and thinking how they are so much further along in life than I am. They can handle more children than I can. They have more to offer their children than I do. They have an amazing career and I am a stay at home mom. All these doubts from Satan creep in and I am left feeling less than as a mother.

Do you ever have those thoughts? Always trying to keep up with “Tammy” in the playgroup that seems to have everything on top of being the picture perfect mother?

It’s all lies my friend.

You are right where you should be and where God wants you to be as a mother. God has something so amazing for you going on right now and if we let doubts of not measuring up continue to creep in, Satan robs us of a lot. We being to be so busy worrying about other mother’s and our own insecurities that we miss out on the precious little memories that are going on right now with our children.

You do not want or need to be like “Tammy” at the playgroup. You do not know what Tammy has going on behind closed doors, nor do you know the secret internal struggles Tammy deals with on a daily basis.

I know woman that have spent their entire lives going to college, working a high paying job all while longing to be stay at home mom’s to their children. Do not feel less than because society makes us think we should have or do certain things in life to measure up. We do not need to measure up to society, we need to measure up to the one who matters most. Right where you are, doing right what you are doing at this very season in your life sweet friend is right where He wants and needs you to be.

If I look back, I had a sweet single mom that worked hard, went to school and baked me plain Jane cupcakes for my birthday. She was far from a perfect mother but can I tell you something? She was present. That was the only thing that mattered to me and those plain Jane cupcakes, those were my absolute favorite that I asked her to bake me every single year until she passed and I was 25.

You do measure up. If we all measured up the same way as mother’s that would be pretty boring.

Enjoy this season in life wherever you are and know that God has something amazing in the works for you right now! 

No Use Crying Over Spilled Goldfish

Today I was going about the hustle and bustle of my daily life. One child was crying, one wanted something to drink and the other wanted a snack. In the middle of all this chaos there was someone with an explosive diaper. As the wife of a firefighter, I know they have to prioritize and assess the scene, they go to the person that has the serious injuries first. As a mom, I do the same thing. In this case, the explosive diaper needed to be dealt with immediately.

Just when I thought I had this crisis under control and was ready to move on to the snack and drink issue, that’s when it happened. I hear a tiny voice say “uh-oh” from around the corner in the kitchen. Before I can even get up off the floor I hear laughing. Not just any laugh but a mischievous laugh from my two year old.  I race around the corner (literally two steps) to find an entire container of goldfish on my kitchen floor. They appear to have been stomped on to the point that they are no longer recognizable. Let me be clear before I move on, I do mean goldfish the snack not actual goldfish.

I was so upset at the mess I had them both help me clean it up. I huffed and puffed the whole time I cleaned. Why couldn't they have waited just one more minute? Why did they do this? This is a terrible day!

That’s when I stopped myself.

You see, this whole incident was really my fault. The boys would not have been able to knock the goldfish off the counter and stomp them into a complete oblivion had I not been the one to set them, unopened on the edge of the counter. I was upset with them for something that I had caused in reality. I apologized to the boys, explained to them that yes they had made a choice to make a mess. However, I left the temptation there to begin with.

Have you became upset over something your child did and now looking back maybe it wasn't really their fault? Maybe if you look inside your heart, it was really your fault. There is no time like the present to apologize if you have. Once you apologize mamma, give yourself a little mercy we all make mistakes in this journey of motherhood. 

You Are The Best Part Of Every Single Day Sweet Child Of Mine

The days are so long, yet the years are so very short. Some days are so hard. At the end of the day, the best parts of my day, the parts that make me smile and laugh when it's over are the parts that involved my children.

They are the ones I talk about the most, love the most and the ones that teach me how to become a more compassionate person. They teach me the beauty in enjoying the little things.

I hope one day when they become father's and realize how much we loved them that if for a split second they think "Mom and Dad had hard days." I want them to instantly know, it was all worth it. If it wasn't for them, our days would be boring.

Never Let Go First

My mom always had amazing advice, especially when it came to being a mom. She also gave the absolute best hugs. Her advice was simple yet big, “Never be the first to let go in a hugs. Always let your children hold on until they are ready to let go.” The day she told me that, I thought about all the hugs I gave her and she never let go first. She would stand in the hallway for the longest time just hugging me until I let go.

I do this with my children now, I will stop anything that I am doing when they want a hug. I want them to know my hugs are unlimited. I want them to always know that I will never be the first to let go. They can hug me and I will hug them back for as long as they need.

Wanting a hug from me may not always be the “cool” thing in front of friends. It may become even more annoying that anything as they grow older when mom always wants a hug. It’s something that they will long for when we are gone.

They may not remember the amazing birthday parties, the presents at Christmas or the nice clothes. Their memories will not go to those things, they will go straight to the hugs where mom never let go first. 

5 Things Only Moms Of Boys Know

There is a secret club that is only for moms of boys. In this club there are unwritten rules that are never spoken, just understood. It’s nothing that we sit around and discuss; it’s just things that we automatically assume another mom of boys will know. We know that when it’s brought up, another mom of boys will not only understand, but they will also laugh and say, “Been there!” My mom always said, “There is a special place in Heaven for moms of boys. There is a crown of jewels, however, for those with only boys.” Sure, moms of girls have their own set of things they understand, but I can assure you it doesn’t include fun stuff like being an expert at deciphering dinosaur noises. I am going to share with you a list of five things only moms of boys know.

1. We can identify trucks and tractors

Digger, dump truck and garbage truck to name a few. Not only can you identify them, you can hear them coming down the road and know which one it is by the sound. You can spot them on the side of the road and say them by name. You might even do this while driving without your children in car. This might scare your friends who are not mommies. They might not understand the importance of knowing this information. You find yourself running to the door when you see a truck coming and yelling, “The garbage truck is here, guys!” or “Here comes a fire truck!” To be completely honest, you can probably identify the tractor and truck toys blindfolded.

2. We know Thomas and all his friends

To moms without boys, Thomas and his friends might all appear to be the same. To those moms, a crane is just a crane. Moms with boys know that even the crane has a name. We can also sing you theme song at the drop of a hat and mimic each voice, as we play with the train set.

3. We know our dinosaurs

We have the tyrannosaurus rex “rrrrrooooaaarrr” perfected. We can tell you what they liked to eat, where they lived, how they died and anything else you want to know. We are basically geologists without a degree.

4. We know that boys will pee anywhere

This one is a curse and a blessing. All moms of boys have been there, that moment when you hear, “I have to pee NOW; I can’t hold it.” This usually happens right after you have packed up all the groceries and other children into the vehicle. Unbuckling everyone and going back into the grocery store is not worth it. You scope out the parking lot, make sure nobody is in the car next to you and you secretly hover over and hide them, as they pee right there. It’s a curse when you are at a child’s birthday party, and you suddenly realize your little boy is in the corner of the yard peeing.

5. We know they love their moms

Yes, boys love their dad. If you ask mine what they want to be when they grow up, they will quickly say, “A firefighter just like daddy.” When daddy gets home, they run to the door and jump up and down with excitement. Then there are the moments that are filled with endless hugs, kisses and snuggles only for mommy. They tell you that you are “so pretty” or “you are the best mommy in the whole wide world!” They don’t just say it; they mean it. They hold your hand for no reason and promise to always be your baby.

Moms of boys will tell you raising little men is full of daily challenges. Boys are non-stop, full of energy, always getting into something they should not and never listen. They pee on everything, think gross things are funny and always seem to push the limits. One minute they can give you complete anxiety by saying, “Look what I can do mom!” or “Watch this!” and the next they are filling your heart so full of joy and love you feel like it might explode. To the fellow moms of boys, I know it’s not easy but together we can do this!

Lesson From A Helicopter Mom

I have a confession, I am helicopter mom and I am fine with that. I hover, don’t allow my children further than arms reach, do a “check in” every five minutes and a head count, make them hold hands at all times and constantly inspect everything at the playground before they get on it. I watch what they are eating, making sure to remind them to “chew it up good” and don’t allow them to stay with anyone other than grandparents.

Today while at the local fair our four year old wanted to get a child’s rollercoaster all by himself. Let’s pause for a moment so I can quickly take you inside the head of a helicopter mom from the moment my son said “all by myself.”

“What if he gets scared and I can’t get to him??”

“What if they don’t buckle him in properly??”

“What if the ride breaks??”

“Will he remember to hold on tight the whole ride??”

“What if his brother wants to ride next??

“Will he notice if I sneak into the last seat on the ride??”

From the excitement on his face I knew this was one of those moments this helicopter mom needed to take a step back. I was having a major panic attack inside. I put on my biggest smile, waved every time he passed by me on the ride and closed my eyes and silently prayed before he would come back around again.

It was then I realized something. I realized this small roller coaster ride at the county fair is nothing in the big scheme of things. Being a mother is not for the faint of heart, especially a helicopter mother. One day he will want to move away to college without me, he will get married and move away and will not want his mother there. When that time comes this helicopter mom will do just as she did today at the county fair while he was on the ride “all by himself.” I will put on my biggest smile, wave the biggest wave every times he’s looking and I will close my eyes and pray silently every single day when he’s not around. 

4 Types Of Children You Meet At The Park

The dreaded park. It’s filled with littles who don’t wash hands, unsupervised children wandering into moving swings and bullies. I see you over there on the phone, mom. You just missed it, but your child just shoved a handful of dirt in his mouth. No need for lunch now. Group of moms over there socializing, yup, one of your children just jumped off the very top of that slide. I see a trip to the ER coming soon. See that child over there; she just threw sand in her own face. Note to self: avoid the sandbox. Now we are just waiting for her mom to run over there. Oh wait, where is her mom? Who does this child belong to? Oh my goodness, did her mom just leave her here? Probably not, but that’s the thought process I go through very quickly while at the park. If you are a regular park mom, you become very familiar with the types of children you will see at the park on any given day. Here are four types you have probably already seen.

1. The Wanderer

You can’t really be sure which mom this child belongs to. He or she has been wandering from mom to mom since you arrived. He or she will come up to you and might even sit beside you and give you a big hug. You awkwardly hug back while scoping out the scene to see if a mom is coming your way for this child. Nope, not a mom in sight. This child will also want the snacks you have for your own child. Once he or she is full or had enough hugs, off the child goes, onto the next mom.

2. The Sand- and Dirt-Eater

From a distance, this child appears to be simply “playing” in the dirt or sand. Once you approach you will see the sand and dirt is clearly all over his or her mouth and face. Basically, the child is covered in it and is shoving it in his or her mouth with both hands. You slowly usher your own child away because the sand- and dirt-eater likes to teach others how enjoyable it is to do the same.

3. The Swing Hogger

Seriously, you’ve patiently been waiting. All your sweet child wants to do is get on the swing. Honestly, your child will be over it in about five minutes and want down. However, there is a child that is on the swing who apparently never wants to get down. The swing hog is usually talking loudly and screaming, “This swing is so much fun! Best swing ever!” He or she usually gets off the swing just as you are ready to leave.

4. The Terrified Slider

There she goes; mommy is ushering her up the stairs to the slide. “Go on, honey, don’t be scared.” You hold your child back because you know this little sweetie is about to start putting it in reverse to go back down the stairs. If anyone is behind her, it will cause a state of pure panic, and a meltdown will ensue. She makes it to the top, but you know what is going to happen next. Now she is too high up, too scared to go back down the stairs and too scared to go down the slide. Now nobody is going down the slide. You begin to help her mom encourage her down. “Noooooo! I’m not coming down!” This usually lasts about five minutes. Finally mom is defeated and begins to go up the stairs. This is usually the point where the child goes down the slide.

I honestly love watching children play at the park, running around with all their different little personalities. It’s so funny. I have to admit that my own children fall into some of these categories. Even so, a park is a place to let loose and have fun. It’s also the best place to go and gear up for naptime! Have you encountered any of these types of children at the park? Maybe you could even add some to the list?

What This Mom Really Wants For Valentine's Day

I recall when my husband and I first started dating (or courting as my Papaw referred to it). Valentine’s Day was such a big deal. He would go above and beyond for that special day. I recall one year was a scavenger hunt in the parking lot of my job. Then there was the phone call he made to my best friend to find out a few of my favorite things early on in our relationship. My favorite year was the time he ordered me a “Valentine Teddy Bear” online. I lived with my grandfather at that time, and it was delivered with roses. Apparently, my (now) husband didn't read the description too well because the “Valentine Teddy Bear” arrived in silk boxers with hearts all over them and the words “kiss me.” My face is red as I type this and tell you that my grandfather answered the door for that delivery. I still have that bear.

Fast forward nine years, three children under five, everyday chaos of normal life, and Valentine’s Day is the last thing on our minds. I no longer expect fancy gifts, expensive dinners, or a grand surprise. I know for a fact he would still do those things if I wanted, but let’s just say my idea of the perfect Valentine’s Day has changed a little. If he were to ask me what this momma really wants for Valentine’s Day this year, I happen to have made a list. Here are the five things this momma really wants for Valentine’s Day.

A Shower

A nice, long shower with the ability to close and lock the door so I don’t have any little visitors. I would like to stay in there so long that I actually get to remember what it feels like to have my hands and fingers resemble shriveled up prunes. I don’t want to ask for too much, but if I get to stay in there long enough to shampoo AND condition my hair, that would be a plus. Even better, I actually get to shave more than just half of my leg

To Sleep In

I can’t recall it too well anymore, but I know for a fact I did sleep in until one in the afternoon before kids. These days I can tell you what every single sunrise looks like. The days of waking up and feeling fully refreshed from a good sleep are way over. I know how to function on less than 2 hours of sleep, and can cover up dark circles under my eyes like a pro. I can promise you, if you allow me to sleep in until eight in the morning, there is the potential for me to go from mom to supermom. In order for this transformation to take place, it must be completely silent and last until 10 am.

Macaroni Art

I love it when my husband takes the kids to buy me something special like a box of chocolates, balloons, or flowers. That’s not what I really want though, I want the macaroni art. I want the macaroni necklaces, with the colored macaroni of course. I want it to be shaped in a heart by tiny hands filled with love. Store-bought items are nice, but holidays are more special with handmade gifts. After all, isn't that what Valentine’s Day is all about: love? All the love and effort their little hands use to make that art makes it so special.

Time with my babies

Isn't it funny as moms we desperately long for that alone time. Those few minutes where we can actual sit and think. The minute we get it, we always long to be with our babies. Sure, I could ask for an entire day to myself my husband would certainly oblige, but that would be boring. I want to enjoy this day of love with the ones I love the most. The ones that showed me what it means to love someone else more than you love yourself. The ones that know how to make my heart skip a beat and fill it with joy.

A pause button

I know this is a long shot but if you could find out how to make this gift happen I would forever be grateful. You see I need time to stand still for a little while; these moments with my little ones are going by way faster than this mommy would like. I would like them to stay little for a little while longer.

It’s not that I don’t miss the days when my husband would surprise me with nice things, it’s just that now my priorities have changed. What matters isn't the words in a card or the jewelry and purses… it’s the endless hugs, kisses, and sweet memories made with my family that make Valentine’s Day the best.

Will You Be My Friend?

We've all be there, that moment after becoming a mom, and suddenly all your friends without children slowly disappear. You find yourself longing for other mom friends that can relate to the day-to-day hectic life style. Suddenly, you feel like you are in high school all over again: where nightmares are made of making new friends and getting in a new social circle. I recall meeting my best friend in high school. It did not happen by chance, we often joke that I harassed her, called her non-stop, and invited myself over to her house. Well, I had my mom drop me off at her house when she didn't answer. I don’t recommend that last tactic for meeting new mom friends.

Back then I was nervous about making new friends, but I didn't allow it to stop me. Now as an adult and mom, I feel every bit as awkward. I never know what to say to a new mom in a play group or at the park, my mind goes blank. If it isn't going blank, it’s filled with silly thoughts from, “what if she judges me for not making my baby food?” or, “what if she finds out I use regular diapers and not cloth??” or even worse, “what if she finds out I formula feed??” If there comes a point where I can push those insecurities to the side and talk to her, I find an entirely new set of fears such as “do I ask her for her number or is that weird?” or, “do we exchange emails instead?” Say you make it past that point, you exchanged numbers because you want to set up a play date. Now…when do you call her? You don’t want to make it seem as though you are free all the time. You don’t want her to think you are desperately in need of adult conversation and praying she will be your friend, even though that is secretly the case.

Ladies, it’s time we let go of our insecurities and realize we are all in the same boat, in search of the perfect mom friend that we just click with. I assure you she is out there right now feeling just as you and I feel. I have created a list of ways to help you meet and keep new mom friends.

Get out of the House.

I know, getting out of the house with two toddlers and newborn might not seem as appealing as getting out of the house did before children. Even if it’s just going for a walk around the neighborhood. A new mom friend could be right around the corner or only a few houses down.

Compliment her on her baby-wearing.

Something along the lines of “I love your Ergo” or “I love that pattern of your wrap.” My friends, those are the compliments that take you from strangers to best friends in a matter of minutes.

Compliment her children.

The fastest way to become my friend is to tell me how well behaved my children are when they are bouncing off the walls at a play group. This will tell me several things about you early on. 1.) You can overlook the fact that my children are wild. 2.) You possibly have children that are in fact as wild as mine so you are used to it. 3.) You are a very good liar. I don’t condone lying… except in this case. In fact, I actually condone it in other cases too… like when you tell me I do not smell like throw up after I was just puked on.

Invest time in the new friendship.

It’s not always easy to nurture a new friendship, especially with children. I often times find it easier to just let a new friendship sizzle than put time into it. As moms we need other mom friends, they are an important part of our sanity.

Be up front.

Be honest from the beginning with your new mom friend. If you are bad about scheduling a play date, afraid of going out with all children by yourself, or even bad about canceling plans, tell her. Other mom friends can understand your busy schedule and last minute cancellations due to a sick baby. We are all in this together!

Now that you have a few tips on how to break the ice with a new friend, and how to keep the friendship going, get out there and scope out your neighborhood for moving trucks. Don’t forget to keep your phone handy so you can enter her number before she gets away. 

A Mom and Her Grief

I will never forget the day our four year old son asked me “Where is your mommy?” It wasn't a question I was prepared for. I had barely dealt with my own grief, much less thought ahead enough to explain to our son why he doesn't have two grandmas like everyone else. I remember feeling a rush of overwhelming emotions. I said “Nana is in Heaven with Jesus.” He paused for a moment and with childlike innocence quickly replied, “Well, let’s just go visit her.” If only there was a way to go visit her in Heaven, things would be so much easier. I sat him down and pulled out pictures of her, books she had sent him when I was pregnant and shared how much she loved him even though they never met.

This year like every year we planned to celebrate her birthday by sharing memories and looking at old pictures. This year was different, this year was more special. Our son asked if he could let balloons go home to Nana. As he let the string slip through his tiny fingers, he began to sing “Happy Birthday.” I couldn't hold back the tears and that was ok. He then looked at me and said “Next year I think she wants a cake and we can blow out candles for her too.”  I stood there realizing I was so scared to explain loss and grief to our son and it was unfounded. Our sweet son taught me so much more about grief on that very day than I have learned in my entire three years of living in grief.

My heart hurts for my children and the fact that they will never know what an amazing lady Nana truly was. They will never know the comfort of her hugs, the joy in her laughter and the sound of her voice. My heart hurts for my mom and the fact that she will never get to spoil them, she will never get to experience life as a Nana and watch them grow up. My heart hurts for me that I will never get to see her be a grandmother, never get to go to her for advice as a mother and I will never get to say “Let’s go to Nana’s house.”

I don’t ever want to hide my grief from my children. I want them to know that when you love someone so much and lose them grief is part of this messy process. I don’t want to hide my tears from them when the memories of her flow. I don’t want to let them see me hiding in bed on her birthday or the anniversary of her passing. I want them to see me celebrate her life, celebrate the day she was welcomed home to Heaven and celebrate the fact that she gets the best view of our lives from above.

Most importantly, I want my children to know that even though Nana is in Heaven, she loves them so much. That even though they do not have a Nana here on Earth, it doesn't mean they don’t have one just like everyone else. It just means that they’re Nana was called home sooner than everyone else’s. 

C-Section Mom vs. Natural Birth Mom

Isn't that what we do as moms compare, compare, compare. It’s almost like a secret war of judgment with c-section moms and natural birth moms. I recall vividly lying to new mom friends that were natural birth moms about my c-section. It was almost as if my entire pregnancy was a failure. Even worse almost as if I as a mother was a failure. That I had somehow scared my child before even holding them because of how they were brought into this world.

That’s when I began thinking, a mom is a mom, period.

If you are a c-section mommy or a natural birth mommy you knew when you carried life that you were willing to risk your very own life for that child. You knew that the moment you laid eyes on them, touched their sweet skin and heard their first cry you would love them forever, unconditionally. You made sure to hold them just right fully supporting that sweet head. You checked and double checked the car seat on the ride home. Got up several times a night just to make sure they were still breathing. Worry about them every single minute of every single day. You become filled with complete joy when they smile at you and tell you they love you.

Sure we all do things differently as moms but at the end of the day we are the same. How you birthed your child into this world does not define you as a mom. 

Pinterest Perfect- 5 Reasons Pinterest Is Making Me A Bad Mom

I often joke with friends that I wish Pinterest would have been around when I was younger that way my mom could have thrown me some amazing birthday parties. I then go further and say I wish Pinterest would have been around when I had our first son, things would have been so much different. I see all the girls now with these elaborate gender reveal pictures. Parents with birthday parties that are fit for King’s and Queen’s for a one year old. If I look back at our first son’s birthday he had a homemade cake, dollar tree decorations and a failed attempt at the “perfect” smash cake picture. He actually threw it up everywhere. Not exactly the Pinterest picture I was going for.

I go to it for almost everything when it comes to parenting from pictures, birthday party ideas, creative things to do with my positive pregnancy test and matching outfits for my children. I begin feeling guilt and the thoughts start spiraling out of control. I go from feeling like I gave my children a really good birthday or decorated their room with love to wondering if what I do is really good enough. Somehow thinking they might feel like they were slighted a bit in their childhood when they grow up and see all the elaborate parties and rooms their friends had. It’s a silly thought I know but that’s when I realized Pinterest is making me a bad mom, or at least appear that way to my children and social media.

 The Fail- I came across this webpage filled with Pinterest inspired ideas gone wrong. It says “Where good intentions come to die.” There you will find a graveyard of pictures, mostly from moms with decorations, cakes and picture poses with their children that turned out completely opposite from the original Pinterest post. Basically, this page is filled with moms that will feel like they will never meet these imaginary standards. To that mom that had the Pinterest “fail” when the birthday cake came out looking more like something the cat threw up, it is not a fail. That cake was made with love and time, two of the most important things every child needs. I promise you they won’t look back and think how horrible the cake looked. They will look back and think about all the effort you put into celebrating a special day with them.

Picture Perfect- I never had professional maternity pictures taken with any of my pregnancies. They are plastered all over Pinterest. Mostly with moms that look perfectly put together, not a stretch mark to be seen, a golden tan, no dark circles under her eyes and the perfect outfit. I wish I could tell you I had glowing skin when I was pregnant. I wish I could tell you clothes fit me perfectly and I didn't live in sweatpants. Plus, let’s be honest, by your third pregnancy you have way better things to spend your money. That $100 dollars is a ton of diapers and wipes. I say all this but deep down I wonder if my children will think any less of me because I didn't have nice pictures taken of them while they were inside my belly.

Pregnancy Announcement- When I was pregnant with our first son, long before the days of Pinterest I had a pregnancy announcement. It was a Facebook status with our ultrasound picture, that’s it. I didn't pose with my pee stick, we didn't create funny pictures, and we didn't give everyone a surprise envelope that says “We’re Pregnant!” inside, all while secretly recording.  Then came the pregnancy with our second child and this feeling of obligation came to keep up with all the Pinterest moms. I handmade boxes with handmade tags, hand wrote everything, filled all the boxes with jars of baby food, waited until the perfect moment, made my husband record and made sure everything was on point. Yes, it was fun. Can I tell you a secret though? My husband was so busy recording everything, making sure the light was good enough to see their faces for reactions. I was running around handing out boxes, making sure everyone waited to open at the same exact time that we missed the moment. I ended up not even being in the recording because I was too busy making it Pinterest Perfect.

Gender Reveal- I am pretty sure when my mom was pregnant with me she said the ultrasounds were so bad they could barely tell the gender. They would send you home saying we “think” you are having this gender. Now a days there is more accuracy and we want to surprise everyone thanks to Pinterest. I fell into this trap, had the ultrasound tech secretly write the gender on a piece of paper. Took it to the bakery, had the inside of the cake the color of the gender and watched the cake like a hawk until it was time for the party. There we were surround by friends and family, I made sure someone was recording and taking pictures. Some go further from balloons out of a box to water guns filled with the paint color of the gender. All really cute and fun ideas but can I tell you this was the wrong idea for me. You see, Pinterest forgets that gender disappointment is a real thing. I have a picture with our second son’s gender reveal party. We had no idea it was another boy, I was sure it was a girl. The look of shock, almost disappointment on my face when I cut the cake is terrible. I felt such guilt after seeing that picture, I knew I was thinking in my head “I could have sworn it was going to be a girl this time.” I don’t ever want my son to look at that picture and see the look on my face. I was over the moon that he was a boy, I love my guys. It was just the initial shock. Then there are the faces in the pictures of relatives that were desperately longing for a girl. From now on I will skip the gender reveal and stick to announcing before the pictures. You know the ones where you tell everyone “You better smile like you were for Team Blue all along or else” kind of pictures.

The Birthday Parties- I always go straight to Pinterest for birthday party ideas, decorations, cakes and party games. I turn into this three headed monster weeks even months before the party is scheduled. I’m over here like “He turned two months yesterday, better start my new Pinterest board for his first birthday ideas now!” I have to hand make everything from the decorations to the cake, otherwise it’s not good enough. Those store bought decorations and that cake from the bakery will not compare to Cindy’s son’s birthday if I don’t because she never has a Pinterest fail. I sat at my last son’s birthday almost in tears. My “fire” decorations were falling from the ceiling, my first attempt at a fire truck cake looked more like a red box on wheels, my handmade piñata busted open while hanging it and I didn't have time to set up a photo booth. Not to mention he didn't have fifty or more friends in attendance only family and I forgot to get matching candles. Do you think he even noticed? No. I was so worried about the Pinterest Perfect details that I became consumed by it. I forgot to simply just be there.

Pinterest has this way of making me a bad mom. It makes me forget to enjoy the moment, it makes me feel as though I don’t match up to other moms. It makes me feel like I will never be a good enough mom because I don’t have the perfect maternity pictures, the perfect gender reveal parties, the perfect birthday parties and the perfect pregnancy announcements. To social media Pinterest makes me look like a bad mom. It makes my plain Jane cupcakes, selfie maternity pictures on my phone and crafts that don’t match up appear less than.

Well, Pinterest you are wrong, you had the “fail” this time. Today I am taking a stand and no more comparing myself to Pinterest Perfect moms that don’t really exist. Here’s to us moms with the homemade birthday cakes that came out burnt. To us moms with the toy rooms that are not perfectly organized because they are played in. To us moms who have children with rooms filled with decorations that don’t match. Those rooms are instead filled with all of our children’s favorite things, they don’t need to match.

I don’t want to be the Pinterest perfect mom, she’s not fun and probably broke. I want to be the mom that was present. 

Matters Of The Heart

Ever have those moments where you wonder if anything you are doing is right when it comes to you children? I have those moments daily. I wonder if they are really paying attention to what I am saying when they are running around. It worries me at times because I want to make sure I give them every piece of advice I can to help give them a better life.

We have been working a lot with our oldest to learn about Jesus. I promise some days I feel like he doesn't retain a single thing I am saying. That’s the funny thing about these little guys, they hear way more than we think they do. They also understand way more that we think, sometimes in ways we as adults can’t even comprehend.

Last year I was pregnant with our youngest son. We decided to make the gender reveal ultrasound a family event for just our little family. Mind you we could not announce out loud the gender because we were going to surprise friends and family. Any mother knows if you need to keep something a secret, do not, I repeat; do not tell your toddler. The ultrasound technician pointed out all the parts to the new baby. “See his sweet face?” she would say. “Look at those long legs, this baby will be tall.”

Our oldest sat quietly and watched the screen in amazement. We were a little in shock that he was in fact so quiet, this is very rare. Suddenly, he broke the silence. This is the point where as a parent you become nervous, you are not sure what they are about to say in public and there is no stopping them.

“Excuse me Miss, do you know who Jesus is?” she paused.

“Yes” she answered a bit confused.”

“Well, can you show me Jesus on the screen in that babies heart.”

My heart sank; I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.  Our sweet boy had been hearing every word I was saying. All the times I explained that Jesus lives inside your heart, he listened. 

Can I encourage you today and tell you that all those times you thought your words were falling on deaf ears, they were not. You are working on their heart.  Make sure those words are used to bless their little hearts and not break them.