A Glimpse Into My Thoughts After Having Baby

Let’s be honest, having a baby is very overwhelming, especially your first. You are consumed with emotions, hormones and fears. You go from worrying about your sweet baby inside your stomach to worrying about them the minute they are delivered. Some of my thoughts after giving birth stay the same and others I am not prepared for. I don’t know if you can relate but here is a glimpse inside my first few thoughts after having my first child. Things escalated rather quickly as you are about to read…..

“I don’t hear his cry”

“Wait there it is, he’s ok, and sounds like his lungs are good.”

“Fingers and toes, does he have ten fingers and ten toes. Count them now!”

“Ok, they are all there.”

“Did I have a bowel movement while delivering and nobody told me? Oh my God, please no.”

“Who cares, so what if I did, they have probably seen it before.”

“Can I have him in my arms yet??”

“Look how perfect he is!! I dare someone to say he has a cone head!”

“Let me just take a peek at all that hair under his cap.”

“No hair, it’s ok, he won’t be bald forever right??”

“Wait, why does my stomach still look pregnant, they got everything out right??”

“Maybe they left something in there!”

“I can’t keep my eyes open.”

“No really, they weight one hundred pounds right now.”

“Just a little doze…oh my god how long was I out? Where am I?”

“So, what do we do now that he’s here?”

“Maybe he will sleep all through the night, he seems to be a really good sleeper right now.”

“I think I will get up and put my regular clothes on now.”

“Oh dear, why won’t my jeans fit past my big toe?”

“Please don’t tell me I still have to wear maternity clothes??”

“Wait, I don’t remember wearing underwear with holes all in them?”

“Did I just pee myself when I got up?”

“What is going on with my body??”

Newborn Lockdown

This is what I have been on for the past seven weeks.  It's that time that your pediatrician puts the fear of God in you about leaving the house for any length of time because anywhere you go is a germ infested nightmare.  Just when you get the courage to venture (sneak) out on your own, you can hear the voice of the pediatrician and you know at the next visit they will question you about it.  They will stare you in the eyes and say “Did you leave the house at any point?” It’s not that you doubt your pediatrician, you just want to double check their advice. What do you do? 

The only logical thing of course, you Google it, find out if anyone else has left the house with a newborn and went into public early on.  You will get fifty-eight million different answers from mom's on the Baby Center, most of which will ask you "what kind of mom thinks about taking their newborn out that early?!" Since I have not been able to leave the house much, it has given me plenty of time to learn about my new guy. I would like to share with you what newborn lock down looks like for us and for those of you that will soon be experiencing this.

1.) He is constantly plotting

All that projectile vomit it not an accident.  He plans to avoid the burp cloth and aim straight for my hair, face, the seventh outfit I have just changed him into or down my shirt.  Even though he can't laugh just yet, I am pretty sure he is laughing on the inside as I panic to find anything in sight that will clean up the vomit while trying to stop it from going anywhere else.  He possibly has his father's sense of humor.

2.) He’s secretly an owl.

He sleeps the entire day away, come 11pm to 3am he is wide away and extremely happy about it. 

3.) He’s a little Houdini

The entire time we were at the hospital this guy wiggled his way out of even the most experienced nurses' swaddle.  You put a blanket on him, he will be sleeping and still kicking his way out of it.  Its pure talent really, I see it as a possible milestone.

4.) He is an over-achiever

At seven weeks this guy holds his head up for a long time and drinks six ounces like it's nothing.  Between the Houdini act and this, I'm pretty sure it should be documented and noted on admission applications to college.

5.) He has a mission

His mission is to help me lose weight.  I know this because every time I go to sit down after heating up a meal, he starts to cry.  It wouldn't be so bad if the food wasn't sitting right in front of me and I could smell it the entire time I am feeding him.  

All jokes aside, I am so blessed to be home and learning all these amazing and funny things about my two guys.  I find that my days are so much more fulfilling and entertaining with a newborn and two cheerio smashing, Mickey Mouse obsessed, on nap strike toddlers running around. 

6 Things All Moms Have Googled

I can bet that if we all compared our search history on Google, they would be very similar. It is the questions you don’t want to call your pediatrician about or you have already called him twenty times and you just need to make sure he is right. Then there are the times you want to search for a rash so when you go to the pediatrician you can advise them as to what it is and what cream they need to prescribe. Its okay, you can admit that you have searched the six things below, we won’t judge you because we have all done it too.  

"Is this poop color normal??”- As a first time mom especially, the color of poop can become a bit worrisome. You analyze every single thing about it and can’t dare ask a friend or your mother because you clearly do not want them to think you are overreacting over poop. Even though deep down you are panicked.

"Web MD”-I bet you just laughed out loud when you read that. This honestly should be banned from all mom’s computers. Things can get escalated pretty quickly on that website, your child just went from having a rash caused by allergic reaction to scarlet fever.

"What is this rash??”-Babies and kids get rashes, especially babies from head to toe. No rash is exactly the same and most of the time it’s nothing. However, you just found pictures of rashes on Google and none of them look exactly like your child’s. You suddenly panic thinking your child has a new strain of rash that has not been diagnosed ever!

"MAJOR projectile vomiting”-I remember being a first time mom and my son did the whole exorcist projectile spit up. I searched it on the internet and then frantically called our pediatrician at two am on a Sunday morning. He was pretty sure from my voice message it was a crisis. He calmed my fears and now on baby number three, projectile spit up does not make me flinch.

"How does this outfit snap??”- We've all been there, middle of the night, half asleep, changing them into a new outfit. Suddenly, you can’t be sure if it’s the sleep deprivation or if this outfit has a malfunction. You think “Am I missing something?” You are going to need to check this out online. Surely, other parents are having problems with this outfit snapping, it can’t just be you.

“Is that noise he is making normal??”- From the way they cry, the sounds they make when they sleep and even the noises they make when they laugh. New moms and veteran moms alike sometimes have a hard time deciphering if a noise is normal or not. I can assure you though chances are if you go to Web MD with this, your child will have whooping cough by the end of the search.

When Your Birth Plan Doesn't Go As Planned

I will be the first to admit that as a new mom preparing for labor and delivery, I did not have a birth plan. My plan was to have a healthy baby, whatever way that was going to be. By whatever way possible I completely meant a natural birth. As you can imagine with my first child being born naturally, I was not disappointed with my plan. Then along came my second child, let’s just say he decided to mix things up a little bit. He decided to become breech at 30 weeks pregnant and stay that way. This sweet child of mine still does things his own way. Suddenly, I realized this was by no means part of my “birth plan.” Yes, I wanted a healthy baby, however I always envisioned that healthy baby being born naturally not by surgery.

I recall the moments before I was taken in for surgery and someone said something to the effect of “This is just terrible you are having a c-section. Nobody wants that and I was praying this wouldn’t happen.” I am sure the intentions were well meaning, but in my emotional and fragile state all I heard was “failure, “birth plan failed.” I began sobbing so hard, she was right, nobody wants a surgery. This was not at all what I had planned.

I remember my husband asked if I wanted him to pray with me. I couldn't speak through my sobs, I just shook my head “yes.” In his prayer he said “God, I am so thankful that you gave me a wife, a mother to my children that is willing to do whatever it takes to get our son here safely into our arms. You knew when you chose her to his mother that she would be willing to take this on even if the face of fear and the unknown.” I will never forget those words, they are the words that calmed my soul and warmed my heart. They are the words that made me suck up my tears and say with confidence “Let’s get this guy here.”

When I first heard his cry, saw his face, touched his check and kissed his face nothing else mattered. I had forgotten everything else, even that things didn't go as planned. It’s funny how moms can do this so quickly. When we hold our babies we forget about all the pain, tears, weight gain, and sleepless nights for the last nine months. We forget about the zombie state we are about to encounter once they arrive and then we are ready and willing to do it all over again.

My birth plan did not go nearly as I had planned but it went exactly how God had planned all along. The minute we know life is growing inside of us, we instantly put ourselves last and our child first. We make birth plans but the reality is, we are willing to throw that all at the window when faced with the decision to get our baby here healthy. God knew I was going to be scared, feel like a failure and be filled with worry. He knew that regardless, I would be willing to face those things and go with how He wanted our sweet son brought into this world.

In the end, how he got here is just how God wanted him to get here, it was God’s birth plan for him all along, not mine. 

You Do Measure Up

Often times as a mother I feel as though I do not measure up. I find myself looking at others and thinking how they are so much further along in life than I am. They can handle more children than I can. They have more to offer their children than I do. They have an amazing career and I am a stay at home mom. All these doubts from Satan creep in and I am left feeling less than as a mother.

Do you ever have those thoughts? Always trying to keep up with “Tammy” in the playgroup that seems to have everything on top of being the picture perfect mother?

It’s all lies my friend.

You are right where you should be and where God wants you to be as a mother. God has something so amazing for you going on right now and if we let doubts of not measuring up continue to creep in, Satan robs us of a lot. We being to be so busy worrying about other mother’s and our own insecurities that we miss out on the precious little memories that are going on right now with our children.

You do not want or need to be like “Tammy” at the playgroup. You do not know what Tammy has going on behind closed doors, nor do you know the secret internal struggles Tammy deals with on a daily basis.

I know woman that have spent their entire lives going to college, working a high paying job all while longing to be stay at home mom’s to their children. Do not feel less than because society makes us think we should have or do certain things in life to measure up. We do not need to measure up to society, we need to measure up to the one who matters most. Right where you are, doing right what you are doing at this very season in your life sweet friend is right where He wants and needs you to be.

If I look back, I had a sweet single mom that worked hard, went to school and baked me plain Jane cupcakes for my birthday. She was far from a perfect mother but can I tell you something? She was present. That was the only thing that mattered to me and those plain Jane cupcakes, those were my absolute favorite that I asked her to bake me every single year until she passed and I was 25.

You do measure up. If we all measured up the same way as mother’s that would be pretty boring.

Enjoy this season in life wherever you are and know that God has something amazing in the works for you right now! 

No Use Crying Over Spilled Goldfish

Today I was going about the hustle and bustle of my daily life. One child was crying, one wanted something to drink and the other wanted a snack. In the middle of all this chaos there was someone with an explosive diaper. As the wife of a firefighter, I know they have to prioritize and assess the scene, they go to the person that has the serious injuries first. As a mom, I do the same thing. In this case, the explosive diaper needed to be dealt with immediately.

Just when I thought I had this crisis under control and was ready to move on to the snack and drink issue, that’s when it happened. I hear a tiny voice say “uh-oh” from around the corner in the kitchen. Before I can even get up off the floor I hear laughing. Not just any laugh but a mischievous laugh from my two year old.  I race around the corner (literally two steps) to find an entire container of goldfish on my kitchen floor. They appear to have been stomped on to the point that they are no longer recognizable. Let me be clear before I move on, I do mean goldfish the snack not actual goldfish.

I was so upset at the mess I had them both help me clean it up. I huffed and puffed the whole time I cleaned. Why couldn't they have waited just one more minute? Why did they do this? This is a terrible day!

That’s when I stopped myself.

You see, this whole incident was really my fault. The boys would not have been able to knock the goldfish off the counter and stomp them into a complete oblivion had I not been the one to set them, unopened on the edge of the counter. I was upset with them for something that I had caused in reality. I apologized to the boys, explained to them that yes they had made a choice to make a mess. However, I left the temptation there to begin with.

Have you became upset over something your child did and now looking back maybe it wasn't really their fault? Maybe if you look inside your heart, it was really your fault. There is no time like the present to apologize if you have. Once you apologize mamma, give yourself a little mercy we all make mistakes in this journey of motherhood. 

You Are The Best Part Of Every Single Day Sweet Child Of Mine

The days are so long, yet the years are so very short. Some days are so hard. At the end of the day, the best parts of my day, the parts that make me smile and laugh when it's over are the parts that involved my children.

They are the ones I talk about the most, love the most and the ones that teach me how to become a more compassionate person. They teach me the beauty in enjoying the little things.

I hope one day when they become father's and realize how much we loved them that if for a split second they think "Mom and Dad had hard days." I want them to instantly know, it was all worth it. If it wasn't for them, our days would be boring.

Never Let Go First

My mom always had amazing advice, especially when it came to being a mom. She also gave the absolute best hugs. Her advice was simple yet big, “Never be the first to let go in a hugs. Always let your children hold on until they are ready to let go.” The day she told me that, I thought about all the hugs I gave her and she never let go first. She would stand in the hallway for the longest time just hugging me until I let go.

I do this with my children now, I will stop anything that I am doing when they want a hug. I want them to know my hugs are unlimited. I want them to always know that I will never be the first to let go. They can hug me and I will hug them back for as long as they need.

Wanting a hug from me may not always be the “cool” thing in front of friends. It may become even more annoying that anything as they grow older when mom always wants a hug. It’s something that they will long for when we are gone.

They may not remember the amazing birthday parties, the presents at Christmas or the nice clothes. Their memories will not go to those things, they will go straight to the hugs where mom never let go first. 

5 Things Only Moms Of Boys Know

There is a secret club that is only for moms of boys. In this club there are unwritten rules that are never spoken, just understood. It’s nothing that we sit around and discuss; it’s just things that we automatically assume another mom of boys will know. We know that when it’s brought up, another mom of boys will not only understand, but they will also laugh and say, “Been there!” My mom always said, “There is a special place in Heaven for moms of boys. There is a crown of jewels, however, for those with only boys.” Sure, moms of girls have their own set of things they understand, but I can assure you it doesn’t include fun stuff like being an expert at deciphering dinosaur noises. I am going to share with you a list of five things only moms of boys know.

1. We can identify trucks and tractors

Digger, dump truck and garbage truck to name a few. Not only can you identify them, you can hear them coming down the road and know which one it is by the sound. You can spot them on the side of the road and say them by name. You might even do this while driving without your children in car. This might scare your friends who are not mommies. They might not understand the importance of knowing this information. You find yourself running to the door when you see a truck coming and yelling, “The garbage truck is here, guys!” or “Here comes a fire truck!” To be completely honest, you can probably identify the tractor and truck toys blindfolded.

2. We know Thomas and all his friends

To moms without boys, Thomas and his friends might all appear to be the same. To those moms, a crane is just a crane. Moms with boys know that even the crane has a name. We can also sing you theme song at the drop of a hat and mimic each voice, as we play with the train set.

3. We know our dinosaurs

We have the tyrannosaurus rex “rrrrrooooaaarrr” perfected. We can tell you what they liked to eat, where they lived, how they died and anything else you want to know. We are basically geologists without a degree.

4. We know that boys will pee anywhere

This one is a curse and a blessing. All moms of boys have been there, that moment when you hear, “I have to pee NOW; I can’t hold it.” This usually happens right after you have packed up all the groceries and other children into the vehicle. Unbuckling everyone and going back into the grocery store is not worth it. You scope out the parking lot, make sure nobody is in the car next to you and you secretly hover over and hide them, as they pee right there. It’s a curse when you are at a child’s birthday party, and you suddenly realize your little boy is in the corner of the yard peeing.

5. We know they love their moms

Yes, boys love their dad. If you ask mine what they want to be when they grow up, they will quickly say, “A firefighter just like daddy.” When daddy gets home, they run to the door and jump up and down with excitement. Then there are the moments that are filled with endless hugs, kisses and snuggles only for mommy. They tell you that you are “so pretty” or “you are the best mommy in the whole wide world!” They don’t just say it; they mean it. They hold your hand for no reason and promise to always be your baby.

Moms of boys will tell you raising little men is full of daily challenges. Boys are non-stop, full of energy, always getting into something they should not and never listen. They pee on everything, think gross things are funny and always seem to push the limits. One minute they can give you complete anxiety by saying, “Look what I can do mom!” or “Watch this!” and the next they are filling your heart so full of joy and love you feel like it might explode. To the fellow moms of boys, I know it’s not easy but together we can do this!