A Glimpse Into My Thoughts After Having Baby

Let’s be honest, having a baby is very overwhelming, especially your first. You are consumed with emotions, hormones and fears. You go from worrying about your sweet baby inside your stomach to worrying about them the minute they are delivered. Some of my thoughts after giving birth stay the same and others I am not prepared for. I don’t know if you can relate but here is a glimpse inside my first few thoughts after having my first child. Things escalated rather quickly as you are about to read…..

“I don’t hear his cry”

“Wait there it is, he’s ok, and sounds like his lungs are good.”

“Fingers and toes, does he have ten fingers and ten toes. Count them now!”

“Ok, they are all there.”

“Did I have a bowel movement while delivering and nobody told me? Oh my God, please no.”

“Who cares, so what if I did, they have probably seen it before.”

“Can I have him in my arms yet??”

“Look how perfect he is!! I dare someone to say he has a cone head!”

“Let me just take a peek at all that hair under his cap.”

“No hair, it’s ok, he won’t be bald forever right??”

“Wait, why does my stomach still look pregnant, they got everything out right??”

“Maybe they left something in there!”

“I can’t keep my eyes open.”

“No really, they weight one hundred pounds right now.”

“Just a little doze…oh my god how long was I out? Where am I?”

“So, what do we do now that he’s here?”

“Maybe he will sleep all through the night, he seems to be a really good sleeper right now.”

“I think I will get up and put my regular clothes on now.”

“Oh dear, why won’t my jeans fit past my big toe?”

“Please don’t tell me I still have to wear maternity clothes??”

“Wait, I don’t remember wearing underwear with holes all in them?”

“Did I just pee myself when I got up?”

“What is going on with my body??”

Newborn Lockdown

This is what I have been on for the past seven weeks.  It's that time that your pediatrician puts the fear of God in you about leaving the house for any length of time because anywhere you go is a germ infested nightmare.  Just when you get the courage to venture (sneak) out on your own, you can hear the voice of the pediatrician and you know at the next visit they will question you about it.  They will stare you in the eyes and say “Did you leave the house at any point?” It’s not that you doubt your pediatrician, you just want to double check their advice. What do you do? 

The only logical thing of course, you Google it, find out if anyone else has left the house with a newborn and went into public early on.  You will get fifty-eight million different answers from mom's on the Baby Center, most of which will ask you "what kind of mom thinks about taking their newborn out that early?!" Since I have not been able to leave the house much, it has given me plenty of time to learn about my new guy. I would like to share with you what newborn lock down looks like for us and for those of you that will soon be experiencing this.

1.) He is constantly plotting

All that projectile vomit it not an accident.  He plans to avoid the burp cloth and aim straight for my hair, face, the seventh outfit I have just changed him into or down my shirt.  Even though he can't laugh just yet, I am pretty sure he is laughing on the inside as I panic to find anything in sight that will clean up the vomit while trying to stop it from going anywhere else.  He possibly has his father's sense of humor.

2.) He’s secretly an owl.

He sleeps the entire day away, come 11pm to 3am he is wide away and extremely happy about it. 

3.) He’s a little Houdini

The entire time we were at the hospital this guy wiggled his way out of even the most experienced nurses' swaddle.  You put a blanket on him, he will be sleeping and still kicking his way out of it.  Its pure talent really, I see it as a possible milestone.

4.) He is an over-achiever

At seven weeks this guy holds his head up for a long time and drinks six ounces like it's nothing.  Between the Houdini act and this, I'm pretty sure it should be documented and noted on admission applications to college.

5.) He has a mission

His mission is to help me lose weight.  I know this because every time I go to sit down after heating up a meal, he starts to cry.  It wouldn't be so bad if the food wasn't sitting right in front of me and I could smell it the entire time I am feeding him.  

All jokes aside, I am so blessed to be home and learning all these amazing and funny things about my two guys.  I find that my days are so much more fulfilling and entertaining with a newborn and two cheerio smashing, Mickey Mouse obsessed, on nap strike toddlers running around. 

6 Things All Moms Have Googled

I can bet that if we all compared our search history on Google, they would be very similar. It is the questions you don’t want to call your pediatrician about or you have already called him twenty times and you just need to make sure he is right. Then there are the times you want to search for a rash so when you go to the pediatrician you can advise them as to what it is and what cream they need to prescribe. Its okay, you can admit that you have searched the six things below, we won’t judge you because we have all done it too.  

"Is this poop color normal??”- As a first time mom especially, the color of poop can become a bit worrisome. You analyze every single thing about it and can’t dare ask a friend or your mother because you clearly do not want them to think you are overreacting over poop. Even though deep down you are panicked.

"Web MD”-I bet you just laughed out loud when you read that. This honestly should be banned from all mom’s computers. Things can get escalated pretty quickly on that website, your child just went from having a rash caused by allergic reaction to scarlet fever.

"What is this rash??”-Babies and kids get rashes, especially babies from head to toe. No rash is exactly the same and most of the time it’s nothing. However, you just found pictures of rashes on Google and none of them look exactly like your child’s. You suddenly panic thinking your child has a new strain of rash that has not been diagnosed ever!

"MAJOR projectile vomiting”-I remember being a first time mom and my son did the whole exorcist projectile spit up. I searched it on the internet and then frantically called our pediatrician at two am on a Sunday morning. He was pretty sure from my voice message it was a crisis. He calmed my fears and now on baby number three, projectile spit up does not make me flinch.

"How does this outfit snap??”- We've all been there, middle of the night, half asleep, changing them into a new outfit. Suddenly, you can’t be sure if it’s the sleep deprivation or if this outfit has a malfunction. You think “Am I missing something?” You are going to need to check this out online. Surely, other parents are having problems with this outfit snapping, it can’t just be you.

“Is that noise he is making normal??”- From the way they cry, the sounds they make when they sleep and even the noises they make when they laugh. New moms and veteran moms alike sometimes have a hard time deciphering if a noise is normal or not. I can assure you though chances are if you go to Web MD with this, your child will have whooping cough by the end of the search.

When Your Birth Plan Doesn't Go As Planned

I will be the first to admit that as a new mom preparing for labor and delivery, I did not have a birth plan. My plan was to have a healthy baby, whatever way that was going to be. By whatever way possible I completely meant a natural birth. As you can imagine with my first child being born naturally, I was not disappointed with my plan. Then along came my second child, let’s just say he decided to mix things up a little bit. He decided to become breech at 30 weeks pregnant and stay that way. This sweet child of mine still does things his own way. Suddenly, I realized this was by no means part of my “birth plan.” Yes, I wanted a healthy baby, however I always envisioned that healthy baby being born naturally not by surgery.

I recall the moments before I was taken in for surgery and someone said something to the effect of “This is just terrible you are having a c-section. Nobody wants that and I was praying this wouldn’t happen.” I am sure the intentions were well meaning, but in my emotional and fragile state all I heard was “failure, “birth plan failed.” I began sobbing so hard, she was right, nobody wants a surgery. This was not at all what I had planned.

I remember my husband asked if I wanted him to pray with me. I couldn't speak through my sobs, I just shook my head “yes.” In his prayer he said “God, I am so thankful that you gave me a wife, a mother to my children that is willing to do whatever it takes to get our son here safely into our arms. You knew when you chose her to his mother that she would be willing to take this on even if the face of fear and the unknown.” I will never forget those words, they are the words that calmed my soul and warmed my heart. They are the words that made me suck up my tears and say with confidence “Let’s get this guy here.”

When I first heard his cry, saw his face, touched his check and kissed his face nothing else mattered. I had forgotten everything else, even that things didn't go as planned. It’s funny how moms can do this so quickly. When we hold our babies we forget about all the pain, tears, weight gain, and sleepless nights for the last nine months. We forget about the zombie state we are about to encounter once they arrive and then we are ready and willing to do it all over again.

My birth plan did not go nearly as I had planned but it went exactly how God had planned all along. The minute we know life is growing inside of us, we instantly put ourselves last and our child first. We make birth plans but the reality is, we are willing to throw that all at the window when faced with the decision to get our baby here healthy. God knew I was going to be scared, feel like a failure and be filled with worry. He knew that regardless, I would be willing to face those things and go with how He wanted our sweet son brought into this world.

In the end, how he got here is just how God wanted him to get here, it was God’s birth plan for him all along, not mine. 

You Do Measure Up

Often times as a mother I feel as though I do not measure up. I find myself looking at others and thinking how they are so much further along in life than I am. They can handle more children than I can. They have more to offer their children than I do. They have an amazing career and I am a stay at home mom. All these doubts from Satan creep in and I am left feeling less than as a mother.

Do you ever have those thoughts? Always trying to keep up with “Tammy” in the playgroup that seems to have everything on top of being the picture perfect mother?

It’s all lies my friend.

You are right where you should be and where God wants you to be as a mother. God has something so amazing for you going on right now and if we let doubts of not measuring up continue to creep in, Satan robs us of a lot. We being to be so busy worrying about other mother’s and our own insecurities that we miss out on the precious little memories that are going on right now with our children.

You do not want or need to be like “Tammy” at the playgroup. You do not know what Tammy has going on behind closed doors, nor do you know the secret internal struggles Tammy deals with on a daily basis.

I know woman that have spent their entire lives going to college, working a high paying job all while longing to be stay at home mom’s to their children. Do not feel less than because society makes us think we should have or do certain things in life to measure up. We do not need to measure up to society, we need to measure up to the one who matters most. Right where you are, doing right what you are doing at this very season in your life sweet friend is right where He wants and needs you to be.

If I look back, I had a sweet single mom that worked hard, went to school and baked me plain Jane cupcakes for my birthday. She was far from a perfect mother but can I tell you something? She was present. That was the only thing that mattered to me and those plain Jane cupcakes, those were my absolute favorite that I asked her to bake me every single year until she passed and I was 25.

You do measure up. If we all measured up the same way as mother’s that would be pretty boring.

Enjoy this season in life wherever you are and know that God has something amazing in the works for you right now! 

No Use Crying Over Spilled Goldfish

Today I was going about the hustle and bustle of my daily life. One child was crying, one wanted something to drink and the other wanted a snack. In the middle of all this chaos there was someone with an explosive diaper. As the wife of a firefighter, I know they have to prioritize and assess the scene, they go to the person that has the serious injuries first. As a mom, I do the same thing. In this case, the explosive diaper needed to be dealt with immediately.

Just when I thought I had this crisis under control and was ready to move on to the snack and drink issue, that’s when it happened. I hear a tiny voice say “uh-oh” from around the corner in the kitchen. Before I can even get up off the floor I hear laughing. Not just any laugh but a mischievous laugh from my two year old.  I race around the corner (literally two steps) to find an entire container of goldfish on my kitchen floor. They appear to have been stomped on to the point that they are no longer recognizable. Let me be clear before I move on, I do mean goldfish the snack not actual goldfish.

I was so upset at the mess I had them both help me clean it up. I huffed and puffed the whole time I cleaned. Why couldn't they have waited just one more minute? Why did they do this? This is a terrible day!

That’s when I stopped myself.

You see, this whole incident was really my fault. The boys would not have been able to knock the goldfish off the counter and stomp them into a complete oblivion had I not been the one to set them, unopened on the edge of the counter. I was upset with them for something that I had caused in reality. I apologized to the boys, explained to them that yes they had made a choice to make a mess. However, I left the temptation there to begin with.

Have you became upset over something your child did and now looking back maybe it wasn't really their fault? Maybe if you look inside your heart, it was really your fault. There is no time like the present to apologize if you have. Once you apologize mamma, give yourself a little mercy we all make mistakes in this journey of motherhood. 

You Are The Best Part Of Every Single Day Sweet Child Of Mine

The days are so long, yet the years are so very short. Some days are so hard. At the end of the day, the best parts of my day, the parts that make me smile and laugh when it's over are the parts that involved my children.

They are the ones I talk about the most, love the most and the ones that teach me how to become a more compassionate person. They teach me the beauty in enjoying the little things.

I hope one day when they become father's and realize how much we loved them that if for a split second they think "Mom and Dad had hard days." I want them to instantly know, it was all worth it. If it wasn't for them, our days would be boring.

5 Things Only Moms Of Boys Know

There is a secret club that is only for moms of boys. In this club there are unwritten rules that are never spoken, just understood. It’s nothing that we sit around and discuss; it’s just things that we automatically assume another mom of boys will know. We know that when it’s brought up, another mom of boys will not only understand, but they will also laugh and say, “Been there!” My mom always said, “There is a special place in Heaven for moms of boys. There is a crown of jewels, however, for those with only boys.” Sure, moms of girls have their own set of things they understand, but I can assure you it doesn’t include fun stuff like being an expert at deciphering dinosaur noises. I am going to share with you a list of five things only moms of boys know.

1. We can identify trucks and tractors

Digger, dump truck and garbage truck to name a few. Not only can you identify them, you can hear them coming down the road and know which one it is by the sound. You can spot them on the side of the road and say them by name. You might even do this while driving without your children in car. This might scare your friends who are not mommies. They might not understand the importance of knowing this information. You find yourself running to the door when you see a truck coming and yelling, “The garbage truck is here, guys!” or “Here comes a fire truck!” To be completely honest, you can probably identify the tractor and truck toys blindfolded.

2. We know Thomas and all his friends

To moms without boys, Thomas and his friends might all appear to be the same. To those moms, a crane is just a crane. Moms with boys know that even the crane has a name. We can also sing you theme song at the drop of a hat and mimic each voice, as we play with the train set.

3. We know our dinosaurs

We have the tyrannosaurus rex “rrrrrooooaaarrr” perfected. We can tell you what they liked to eat, where they lived, how they died and anything else you want to know. We are basically geologists without a degree.

4. We know that boys will pee anywhere

This one is a curse and a blessing. All moms of boys have been there, that moment when you hear, “I have to pee NOW; I can’t hold it.” This usually happens right after you have packed up all the groceries and other children into the vehicle. Unbuckling everyone and going back into the grocery store is not worth it. You scope out the parking lot, make sure nobody is in the car next to you and you secretly hover over and hide them, as they pee right there. It’s a curse when you are at a child’s birthday party, and you suddenly realize your little boy is in the corner of the yard peeing.

5. We know they love their moms

Yes, boys love their dad. If you ask mine what they want to be when they grow up, they will quickly say, “A firefighter just like daddy.” When daddy gets home, they run to the door and jump up and down with excitement. Then there are the moments that are filled with endless hugs, kisses and snuggles only for mommy. They tell you that you are “so pretty” or “you are the best mommy in the whole wide world!” They don’t just say it; they mean it. They hold your hand for no reason and promise to always be your baby.

Moms of boys will tell you raising little men is full of daily challenges. Boys are non-stop, full of energy, always getting into something they should not and never listen. They pee on everything, think gross things are funny and always seem to push the limits. One minute they can give you complete anxiety by saying, “Look what I can do mom!” or “Watch this!” and the next they are filling your heart so full of joy and love you feel like it might explode. To the fellow moms of boys, I know it’s not easy but together we can do this!

Lesson From A Helicopter Mom

I have a confession, I am helicopter mom and I am fine with that. I hover, don’t allow my children further than arms reach, do a “check in” every five minutes and a head count, make them hold hands at all times and constantly inspect everything at the playground before they get on it. I watch what they are eating, making sure to remind them to “chew it up good” and don’t allow them to stay with anyone other than grandparents.

Today while at the local fair our four year old wanted to get a child’s rollercoaster all by himself. Let’s pause for a moment so I can quickly take you inside the head of a helicopter mom from the moment my son said “all by myself.”

“What if he gets scared and I can’t get to him??”

“What if they don’t buckle him in properly??”

“What if the ride breaks??”

“Will he remember to hold on tight the whole ride??”

“What if his brother wants to ride next??

“Will he notice if I sneak into the last seat on the ride??”

From the excitement on his face I knew this was one of those moments this helicopter mom needed to take a step back. I was having a major panic attack inside. I put on my biggest smile, waved every time he passed by me on the ride and closed my eyes and silently prayed before he would come back around again.

It was then I realized something. I realized this small roller coaster ride at the county fair is nothing in the big scheme of things. Being a mother is not for the faint of heart, especially a helicopter mother. One day he will want to move away to college without me, he will get married and move away and will not want his mother there. When that time comes this helicopter mom will do just as she did today at the county fair while he was on the ride “all by himself.” I will put on my biggest smile, wave the biggest wave every times he’s looking and I will close my eyes and pray silently every single day when he’s not around. 

What This Mom Really Wants For Valentine's Day

I recall when my husband and I first started dating (or courting as my Papaw referred to it). Valentine’s Day was such a big deal. He would go above and beyond for that special day. I recall one year was a scavenger hunt in the parking lot of my job. Then there was the phone call he made to my best friend to find out a few of my favorite things early on in our relationship. My favorite year was the time he ordered me a “Valentine Teddy Bear” online. I lived with my grandfather at that time, and it was delivered with roses. Apparently, my (now) husband didn't read the description too well because the “Valentine Teddy Bear” arrived in silk boxers with hearts all over them and the words “kiss me.” My face is red as I type this and tell you that my grandfather answered the door for that delivery. I still have that bear.

Fast forward nine years, three children under five, everyday chaos of normal life, and Valentine’s Day is the last thing on our minds. I no longer expect fancy gifts, expensive dinners, or a grand surprise. I know for a fact he would still do those things if I wanted, but let’s just say my idea of the perfect Valentine’s Day has changed a little. If he were to ask me what this momma really wants for Valentine’s Day this year, I happen to have made a list. Here are the five things this momma really wants for Valentine’s Day.

A Shower

A nice, long shower with the ability to close and lock the door so I don’t have any little visitors. I would like to stay in there so long that I actually get to remember what it feels like to have my hands and fingers resemble shriveled up prunes. I don’t want to ask for too much, but if I get to stay in there long enough to shampoo AND condition my hair, that would be a plus. Even better, I actually get to shave more than just half of my leg

To Sleep In

I can’t recall it too well anymore, but I know for a fact I did sleep in until one in the afternoon before kids. These days I can tell you what every single sunrise looks like. The days of waking up and feeling fully refreshed from a good sleep are way over. I know how to function on less than 2 hours of sleep, and can cover up dark circles under my eyes like a pro. I can promise you, if you allow me to sleep in until eight in the morning, there is the potential for me to go from mom to supermom. In order for this transformation to take place, it must be completely silent and last until 10 am.

Macaroni Art

I love it when my husband takes the kids to buy me something special like a box of chocolates, balloons, or flowers. That’s not what I really want though, I want the macaroni art. I want the macaroni necklaces, with the colored macaroni of course. I want it to be shaped in a heart by tiny hands filled with love. Store-bought items are nice, but holidays are more special with handmade gifts. After all, isn't that what Valentine’s Day is all about: love? All the love and effort their little hands use to make that art makes it so special.

Time with my babies

Isn't it funny as moms we desperately long for that alone time. Those few minutes where we can actual sit and think. The minute we get it, we always long to be with our babies. Sure, I could ask for an entire day to myself my husband would certainly oblige, but that would be boring. I want to enjoy this day of love with the ones I love the most. The ones that showed me what it means to love someone else more than you love yourself. The ones that know how to make my heart skip a beat and fill it with joy.

A pause button

I know this is a long shot but if you could find out how to make this gift happen I would forever be grateful. You see I need time to stand still for a little while; these moments with my little ones are going by way faster than this mommy would like. I would like them to stay little for a little while longer.

It’s not that I don’t miss the days when my husband would surprise me with nice things, it’s just that now my priorities have changed. What matters isn't the words in a card or the jewelry and purses… it’s the endless hugs, kisses, and sweet memories made with my family that make Valentine’s Day the best.

Will You Be My Friend?

We've all be there, that moment after becoming a mom, and suddenly all your friends without children slowly disappear. You find yourself longing for other mom friends that can relate to the day-to-day hectic life style. Suddenly, you feel like you are in high school all over again: where nightmares are made of making new friends and getting in a new social circle. I recall meeting my best friend in high school. It did not happen by chance, we often joke that I harassed her, called her non-stop, and invited myself over to her house. Well, I had my mom drop me off at her house when she didn't answer. I don’t recommend that last tactic for meeting new mom friends.

Back then I was nervous about making new friends, but I didn't allow it to stop me. Now as an adult and mom, I feel every bit as awkward. I never know what to say to a new mom in a play group or at the park, my mind goes blank. If it isn't going blank, it’s filled with silly thoughts from, “what if she judges me for not making my baby food?” or, “what if she finds out I use regular diapers and not cloth??” or even worse, “what if she finds out I formula feed??” If there comes a point where I can push those insecurities to the side and talk to her, I find an entirely new set of fears such as “do I ask her for her number or is that weird?” or, “do we exchange emails instead?” Say you make it past that point, you exchanged numbers because you want to set up a play date. Now…when do you call her? You don’t want to make it seem as though you are free all the time. You don’t want her to think you are desperately in need of adult conversation and praying she will be your friend, even though that is secretly the case.

Ladies, it’s time we let go of our insecurities and realize we are all in the same boat, in search of the perfect mom friend that we just click with. I assure you she is out there right now feeling just as you and I feel. I have created a list of ways to help you meet and keep new mom friends.

Get out of the House.

I know, getting out of the house with two toddlers and newborn might not seem as appealing as getting out of the house did before children. Even if it’s just going for a walk around the neighborhood. A new mom friend could be right around the corner or only a few houses down.

Compliment her on her baby-wearing.

Something along the lines of “I love your Ergo” or “I love that pattern of your wrap.” My friends, those are the compliments that take you from strangers to best friends in a matter of minutes.

Compliment her children.

The fastest way to become my friend is to tell me how well behaved my children are when they are bouncing off the walls at a play group. This will tell me several things about you early on. 1.) You can overlook the fact that my children are wild. 2.) You possibly have children that are in fact as wild as mine so you are used to it. 3.) You are a very good liar. I don’t condone lying… except in this case. In fact, I actually condone it in other cases too… like when you tell me I do not smell like throw up after I was just puked on.

Invest time in the new friendship.

It’s not always easy to nurture a new friendship, especially with children. I often times find it easier to just let a new friendship sizzle than put time into it. As moms we need other mom friends, they are an important part of our sanity.

Be up front.

Be honest from the beginning with your new mom friend. If you are bad about scheduling a play date, afraid of going out with all children by yourself, or even bad about canceling plans, tell her. Other mom friends can understand your busy schedule and last minute cancellations due to a sick baby. We are all in this together!

Now that you have a few tips on how to break the ice with a new friend, and how to keep the friendship going, get out there and scope out your neighborhood for moving trucks. Don’t forget to keep your phone handy so you can enter her number before she gets away. 

C-Section Mom vs. Natural Birth Mom

Isn't that what we do as moms compare, compare, compare. It’s almost like a secret war of judgment with c-section moms and natural birth moms. I recall vividly lying to new mom friends that were natural birth moms about my c-section. It was almost as if my entire pregnancy was a failure. Even worse almost as if I as a mother was a failure. That I had somehow scared my child before even holding them because of how they were brought into this world.

That’s when I began thinking, a mom is a mom, period.

If you are a c-section mommy or a natural birth mommy you knew when you carried life that you were willing to risk your very own life for that child. You knew that the moment you laid eyes on them, touched their sweet skin and heard their first cry you would love them forever, unconditionally. You made sure to hold them just right fully supporting that sweet head. You checked and double checked the car seat on the ride home. Got up several times a night just to make sure they were still breathing. Worry about them every single minute of every single day. You become filled with complete joy when they smile at you and tell you they love you.

Sure we all do things differently as moms but at the end of the day we are the same. How you birthed your child into this world does not define you as a mom. 

Pinterest Perfect- 5 Reasons Pinterest Is Making Me A Bad Mom

I often joke with friends that I wish Pinterest would have been around when I was younger that way my mom could have thrown me some amazing birthday parties. I then go further and say I wish Pinterest would have been around when I had our first son, things would have been so much different. I see all the girls now with these elaborate gender reveal pictures. Parents with birthday parties that are fit for King’s and Queen’s for a one year old. If I look back at our first son’s birthday he had a homemade cake, dollar tree decorations and a failed attempt at the “perfect” smash cake picture. He actually threw it up everywhere. Not exactly the Pinterest picture I was going for.

I go to it for almost everything when it comes to parenting from pictures, birthday party ideas, creative things to do with my positive pregnancy test and matching outfits for my children. I begin feeling guilt and the thoughts start spiraling out of control. I go from feeling like I gave my children a really good birthday or decorated their room with love to wondering if what I do is really good enough. Somehow thinking they might feel like they were slighted a bit in their childhood when they grow up and see all the elaborate parties and rooms their friends had. It’s a silly thought I know but that’s when I realized Pinterest is making me a bad mom, or at least appear that way to my children and social media.

 The Fail- I came across this webpage filled with Pinterest inspired ideas gone wrong. It says “Where good intentions come to die.” There you will find a graveyard of pictures, mostly from moms with decorations, cakes and picture poses with their children that turned out completely opposite from the original Pinterest post. Basically, this page is filled with moms that will feel like they will never meet these imaginary standards. To that mom that had the Pinterest “fail” when the birthday cake came out looking more like something the cat threw up, it is not a fail. That cake was made with love and time, two of the most important things every child needs. I promise you they won’t look back and think how horrible the cake looked. They will look back and think about all the effort you put into celebrating a special day with them.

Picture Perfect- I never had professional maternity pictures taken with any of my pregnancies. They are plastered all over Pinterest. Mostly with moms that look perfectly put together, not a stretch mark to be seen, a golden tan, no dark circles under her eyes and the perfect outfit. I wish I could tell you I had glowing skin when I was pregnant. I wish I could tell you clothes fit me perfectly and I didn't live in sweatpants. Plus, let’s be honest, by your third pregnancy you have way better things to spend your money. That $100 dollars is a ton of diapers and wipes. I say all this but deep down I wonder if my children will think any less of me because I didn't have nice pictures taken of them while they were inside my belly.

Pregnancy Announcement- When I was pregnant with our first son, long before the days of Pinterest I had a pregnancy announcement. It was a Facebook status with our ultrasound picture, that’s it. I didn't pose with my pee stick, we didn't create funny pictures, and we didn't give everyone a surprise envelope that says “We’re Pregnant!” inside, all while secretly recording.  Then came the pregnancy with our second child and this feeling of obligation came to keep up with all the Pinterest moms. I handmade boxes with handmade tags, hand wrote everything, filled all the boxes with jars of baby food, waited until the perfect moment, made my husband record and made sure everything was on point. Yes, it was fun. Can I tell you a secret though? My husband was so busy recording everything, making sure the light was good enough to see their faces for reactions. I was running around handing out boxes, making sure everyone waited to open at the same exact time that we missed the moment. I ended up not even being in the recording because I was too busy making it Pinterest Perfect.

Gender Reveal- I am pretty sure when my mom was pregnant with me she said the ultrasounds were so bad they could barely tell the gender. They would send you home saying we “think” you are having this gender. Now a days there is more accuracy and we want to surprise everyone thanks to Pinterest. I fell into this trap, had the ultrasound tech secretly write the gender on a piece of paper. Took it to the bakery, had the inside of the cake the color of the gender and watched the cake like a hawk until it was time for the party. There we were surround by friends and family, I made sure someone was recording and taking pictures. Some go further from balloons out of a box to water guns filled with the paint color of the gender. All really cute and fun ideas but can I tell you this was the wrong idea for me. You see, Pinterest forgets that gender disappointment is a real thing. I have a picture with our second son’s gender reveal party. We had no idea it was another boy, I was sure it was a girl. The look of shock, almost disappointment on my face when I cut the cake is terrible. I felt such guilt after seeing that picture, I knew I was thinking in my head “I could have sworn it was going to be a girl this time.” I don’t ever want my son to look at that picture and see the look on my face. I was over the moon that he was a boy, I love my guys. It was just the initial shock. Then there are the faces in the pictures of relatives that were desperately longing for a girl. From now on I will skip the gender reveal and stick to announcing before the pictures. You know the ones where you tell everyone “You better smile like you were for Team Blue all along or else” kind of pictures.

The Birthday Parties- I always go straight to Pinterest for birthday party ideas, decorations, cakes and party games. I turn into this three headed monster weeks even months before the party is scheduled. I’m over here like “He turned two months yesterday, better start my new Pinterest board for his first birthday ideas now!” I have to hand make everything from the decorations to the cake, otherwise it’s not good enough. Those store bought decorations and that cake from the bakery will not compare to Cindy’s son’s birthday if I don’t because she never has a Pinterest fail. I sat at my last son’s birthday almost in tears. My “fire” decorations were falling from the ceiling, my first attempt at a fire truck cake looked more like a red box on wheels, my handmade piñata busted open while hanging it and I didn't have time to set up a photo booth. Not to mention he didn't have fifty or more friends in attendance only family and I forgot to get matching candles. Do you think he even noticed? No. I was so worried about the Pinterest Perfect details that I became consumed by it. I forgot to simply just be there.

Pinterest has this way of making me a bad mom. It makes me forget to enjoy the moment, it makes me feel as though I don’t match up to other moms. It makes me feel like I will never be a good enough mom because I don’t have the perfect maternity pictures, the perfect gender reveal parties, the perfect birthday parties and the perfect pregnancy announcements. To social media Pinterest makes me look like a bad mom. It makes my plain Jane cupcakes, selfie maternity pictures on my phone and crafts that don’t match up appear less than.

Well, Pinterest you are wrong, you had the “fail” this time. Today I am taking a stand and no more comparing myself to Pinterest Perfect moms that don’t really exist. Here’s to us moms with the homemade birthday cakes that came out burnt. To us moms with the toy rooms that are not perfectly organized because they are played in. To us moms who have children with rooms filled with decorations that don’t match. Those rooms are instead filled with all of our children’s favorite things, they don’t need to match.

I don’t want to be the Pinterest perfect mom, she’s not fun and probably broke. I want to be the mom that was present. 

Matters Of The Heart

Ever have those moments where you wonder if anything you are doing is right when it comes to you children? I have those moments daily. I wonder if they are really paying attention to what I am saying when they are running around. It worries me at times because I want to make sure I give them every piece of advice I can to help give them a better life.

We have been working a lot with our oldest to learn about Jesus. I promise some days I feel like he doesn't retain a single thing I am saying. That’s the funny thing about these little guys, they hear way more than we think they do. They also understand way more that we think, sometimes in ways we as adults can’t even comprehend.

Last year I was pregnant with our youngest son. We decided to make the gender reveal ultrasound a family event for just our little family. Mind you we could not announce out loud the gender because we were going to surprise friends and family. Any mother knows if you need to keep something a secret, do not, I repeat; do not tell your toddler. The ultrasound technician pointed out all the parts to the new baby. “See his sweet face?” she would say. “Look at those long legs, this baby will be tall.”

Our oldest sat quietly and watched the screen in amazement. We were a little in shock that he was in fact so quiet, this is very rare. Suddenly, he broke the silence. This is the point where as a parent you become nervous, you are not sure what they are about to say in public and there is no stopping them.

“Excuse me Miss, do you know who Jesus is?” she paused.

“Yes” she answered a bit confused.”

“Well, can you show me Jesus on the screen in that babies heart.”

My heart sank; I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.  Our sweet boy had been hearing every word I was saying. All the times I explained that Jesus lives inside your heart, he listened. 

Can I encourage you today and tell you that all those times you thought your words were falling on deaf ears, they were not. You are working on their heart.  Make sure those words are used to bless their little hearts and not break them.

You Are a Good Mom

To the mom that is sitting there with her head down and feeling defeated from the day.

To the mom that can’t nurse because her body won’t let her.

To the mom that bottle feeds and worries if she is less than.

To the mom that feels like this whole motherhood thing is swallowing her whole at times.

To the mom that struggles to make ends meet.

To the mom that feels like she is doing it all wrong.

To the mom with laundry piled up.

To the mom with dishes overflowing from the sink

To the mom that had a c-section.

To the mom that carries the weight of the world on her shoulders.

To the mom with a special needs child.

To the mom with a post-partum body.

To the mom that secretly cries behind closed doors.

None of these things listed above defines you as a mom. What defines you is your heart and unconditional love for your child. The days are long and the praises are few but the rewards are high. As moms we so often base how we feel about ourselves as moms on what others feel. God knows your heart dear friend, he sees you doing everything within your power just to make your little ones smile. 

We tend to get so caught up the little things from how our bodies look after babies to types of bottles we use. I promise you they will remember none of this when they get older. They will remember you being there for them.  Because that mom that is covered in spit up, unwashed hair for days, still wearing sweatpants and its three in the afternoon mom is more than enough. You are a good mom.

He Hates Me

Yesterday it happened, I thought it would take much longer than this, after all he's only four. It was the kind of day where he didn't take a nap. Every mother knows days without naps are doomed. Everyone including mom is going to want to cry and pull a temper tantrum. I kept it together and went about my day. Everything was going good considering, then I told him he couldn't wear just his undies and cowboy boots to the grocery store. This is when it happened. He looked at me and said "Fine. I just won't hold your hand ever again." Pause "Oh, and I won't ask you to tuck me in at night ever, ever, ever AGAIN!" If my momma heart could have actually broken into a million pieces, it would have right then and there. Inside I was completely broken. I had to fight back the tears. It was the first time he had been so mad at me that he wanted to hurt me with his words. I calmly said "I am so sorry you feel that way. Maybe we can talk about this later. If you change your mind, I would still love you to hold my hand and let me tuck you in." He walked away in silence. I wanted to beg and plead with him. I wanted to say "Please, no! I will allow you to wear your undies and cowboy boots to the store. Just please always hold my hand and let me tuck you in at night." I knew I couldn't do that. Mostly because I could not take him into the grocery store looking that that. 

I spent the remainder of the evening over analyzing ever minute before and during the event. Why didn't I just let him wear what he wanted and avoid the grocery store? Why didn't I tell him I was sorry? Now he hates me! I am the single worst mother on the face of the Earth! I felt this heavy guilt weighing on my heart about all the ways I had failed him by making him mad enough to feel that way. I felt as though I just scarred him for life. 

That's when the moment of clarity hit me. Get ready....I am not a perfect mom. Maybe I could have done things differently or maybe I did everything just right for that situation. I will never know, I am learning as I go. I needed to give myself a little mercy mixed with a lot of forgiveness. 

I know this won't be the last time he becomes upset with me. As parents we all walk this fine line of wanting our children to love and like us, yet sometimes we will do things they can't understand and they will not like us for it. Sweet momma, can I tell you that it's o.k.? It's o.k. if sometimes they choose not to like us because in the end they will always love us. More importantly, we will always love them. 

5 Types of Moms You Meet In Labor and Delivery

The day has finally arrived after nine long months, you are on your way to labor and delivery to have your baby. You have taken the classes, toured the labor and delivery floor; you are fully prepared for anything that comes your way. The nurse greets you. They escort you to the room where you will meet your baby, and everything is neatly unpacked from your stocked hospital bag. You’re all settled in… suddenly, you hear a scream straight from a horror movie. For a second, you question if it was a newborn or the laboring woman in the room next to you. During my three stays on the labor and delivery floor, I encountered several pregnant women.

Here are the five types of women you will potentially encounter during your stay.

The Screaming Mom

At some point in your labor and delivery you will get stuck next this woman: the screamer. You are focused and breathing through contractions. Clearly, she missed that birthing class. You pretty much can time her contractions because she screams for every single one. You can even begin to tell when they are getting worse, when they are slowing down, and when she starts pushing all based on her screams. Don’t be this lady.

The First Time Mom

Here she comes with a big smile on her face; hubby is wheeling her onto the unit. He’s grinning from ear-to-ear also. He has his camera around his neck. She has monogrammed luggage full of pre-maternity clothes that won’t fit her big toe when she leaves. Her makeup is on point, hair looks amazing, and her outfit is matching. You know she’s been doing her hair and makeup and showering before bed every single night the last month… just in case. Bless her heart, her contractions have just begun, and she doesn't know what is ahead of her. She doesn't realize that this could last for hours, she is going to sweat off that makeup, and she probably won’t be showering for the next few days. Her monogrammed luggage will end up decorated with baby spit up before she leaves.

The Tell It All Mom

We all know one, have one in our lives… or are one of these moms. She’s the one that spares no detail; nothing is too personal to share on social media for this mom’s labor and delivery. Facebook updates, Instagram pictures, and tweets: she has it all covered. Tweet: “Contractions are getting stronger #ouchthisreallyhurts.” Instagram pictures include: contractions on the screen, her feet at the end of the hospital bed with her belly, her belly with the straps that are connected to the monitor, the incubator where her baby will stay, her nurse, family and her obgyn. Facebook Updates: “Hey everyone, just wanted to update you. Since my last post five minutes ago, doctor says I am now 90 percent effaced and 5cm dilated. Not much longer now, and we will meet our little baby. I will make sure and keep you posted.” Five minutes later… “Just lost mucus plug.” “The baby is crowning right now!!”

The Birthing Class Mom

She attended every class offered, maybe even twice. She doesn’t want medication- not even a Tylenol. She is going to do this strictly with breathing and leaving her husband’s poor hand with little to no feeling. She brought her birthing ball and all essential oils that she could get her hands on while walking out the door. Relaxation and meditation are her specialty, and she has her “cooing” perfected at the perfect tone from deep in her throat. She will utilize every square inch of her room and every piece of her equipment. You may even spot her walking the halls and embracing her contractions.

The False Alarm Mom

She’s been here so much throughout the end of her pregnancy that she has practically taken up residency. They know her by name and expect her arrival daily. In fact, you’ve seen her three times since you’ve been there. She felt a sharp pain; it’s the start of labor. Gas pain. She’s not sure, but she thinks the fluid dripping down her leg means her water broke. She peed herself. The contractions hurt BAD; this is it. Braxton Hicks. She feels like the baby is going to fall out. He’s dropped. With each visit she calls family and friends, “This is the real thing, we are hospital bound.” When actual signs and symptoms of labor and delivery do begin, this mom calls her obgyn for a visit instead of going into the hospital.

Maybe you have been one or all of these moms at some point. I have been two out of five; I’ll refrain from telling you which ones.

Open Letter To Mom Of All Boys

Dear Mom of All Boys,

I see you in the clothing store with all your boys. You intentionally pass through the girl’s side of the store, slowly scanning each adorable dress and headband. In your mind, you begin envisioning what it would be like to be able to purchase that for your own daughter. Your mind starts wondering. You begin questioning how it would feel to have a mommy-daughter day, to have a shopping buddy, and a little head of hair to fix.

I see you sitting in the corner at the friend’s baby shower. The friend that is receiving all the pink and purple items. She is getting all the cute dresses, shoes, and future matching outfits. Inside your heart hurts, you wonder what it would feel like to have a mother-daughter relationship with your own child.

I feel you holding back the tears when the ultrasound technician announces it’s another boy. You feel guilt because you are so thankful to have another sweet child. Yet, deep down you were hoping, just this once, it would be girl. You suddenly begin to feel terrible for even caring about the gender as long as the baby is healthy. It’s still a hurt that nobody can see because you hide it.

I hear you crying to your husband that you don’t want to be ungrateful for being blessed with healthy boys. You just always wanted a little girl to call your very own. You wonder what she would look like, how she would act, and what she would be when she grew up.

I know all about you because I am that mom. A mom that secretly wanted a little girl and cried in the ultrasound room the day she found out she was having a third boy. A mom that is now at complete peace with all boys. A mom that has realized how that it’s a big title to be a Mom of Boys. Can I share with you three things I have learned over the years of being a mom to three boys? Three things that might change your outlook. Three things that might give you a new perspective on how important our job is as moms of all boys. Raising boys is not for the faint of heart.

1. You are raising someone’s future husband

This is such a profound duty that is not to be taken lightly. The future wives of our boys are out there now depending on us to raise, prepare, encourage, and mold their future spouses. I want to give her a man that is defined by respect, honesty, and love!

2. You are raising a gentleman

This world is filled with men. However, we want this world to be filled with is above-average men. We want gentlemen: men that strive to do their best in every faucet of their life, with manners, and respect for everyone they encounter.

3. You are raising a father

One day, your son might grow up to be a father. How you raise him now, he will one day use to raise his very own children. Your loving care, compliments, encouragement, and support will all carry on to his parenting.

The next time your heart feels heavy with longing for a girl, find comfort in knowing that raising all boys is going to impact the life of many, especially his future wife and family. Remember that we will get a girl! I will have three daughter-in-laws.

Dear Mom who feels lost in Motherhood

Dear Mom who feels lost in Motherhood,

When I first heard you say you lost yourself in motherhood, I was sure you were going to gush about how happily consumed you were by it. Then I realized it was the opposite, and I must admit that I felt complete sadness overtake me. As a stay-at-home mother of three children under the age of five, I understand losing friends. I understand the concept of losing a social life and not going to a job where there is social interaction with adults. I get it. Yet, even though I get it, you and I have completely different views on losing ourselves in motherhood. That is ok; we are all entitled to our own views. I just wanted to share mine with you.

When I became a mom, there was suddenly a distance between myself and my friends who were not moms. There was even a drift between myself and my friends who were moms. You see, I did lose myself in motherhood. However, I allowed it to consume me, and I loved and still love every minute of it. A social life can be picked back up at any point. Being a mom is different than having a social life. I won’t be able to do that over or pick it up again at any point. I am ok with the fact that some friends have become distant with me; I do not need fair-weather friends, friends who do not understand my hectic schedule as a mom, or friends who do not understand where my priorities lie.

I feel sad that society has made you feel as though you have zero worth and that you should in fact be sad that you are stuck at home all day consumed by “poo-poo” and endless chaos. I feel sad that the lack of a social life makes you feel “less than” and determines your views on motherhood. I grieve that even for a split second you contemplate where your life is going and if this is, in fact, all your life will amount to. Who determines that being a stay-at-home mom is any less worthwhile than being a woman who works with no kids? After all, at the end of your days, you can’t take that college degree with you, but the love and memories of your children is something that will carry on. I chose this life as a mother, and my reward will lie in the successful adults I raise. I do not need a plaque or promotion to justify my worth as a person. It hurts my heart that one day your child might hear you say this and question if you ever enjoyed being his or her mom.

To you, the mom that might be in fact feeling as though she has lost herself in motherhood, let’s talk. There is a woman out there right now who is unable to have children. She would love to lose herself in motherhood. There is a woman who has lost her life to cancer who would give anything to come back and lose herself in motherhood. There is a woman who has lost her sweet child and would do whatever it takes to lose herself in motherhood again. You see, society wants you to think you are losing something when you become a mother. The reality is, I found myself the day I became a mother.

Sincerely,

A Mom who found herself in motherhood.

Open Letter To Stranger: What You Missed

To the stranger in the store that told me how I have my "hands extremely full with that one" referring to my three year old in a negative manner, you saw him for two minutes.  What you didn't see was him opening the door for two complete strangers on the way in the book store.  You must have not heard him when he said "thank you ma'am" just a minute ago when we came up to the counter.  

Maybe you didn't notice that his little hands carried two very heavy text books for me because he wanted to help.  You didn't hear him in the car pulling up to the college when he told me how smart I must be to go to such a big school. Without a beat he then told me how pretty I look today several times on our walk in. You didn't see him jump out of the stroller to pick me “the perfect flower.” Not to mention he pointed out a special cloud in the sky and told me it was a “heart shaped cloud so it was made for me.”  You probably were not aware that it was past his naptime.  Maybe you also missed the fact that I am eight months pregnant with two toddlers.

Out of all the things you could have commented on you missed the most important things and focused on the one negative thing and that was my three year old was acting like a three year old. Not only is that discouraging to me as a mom, it's discouraging to have my son hear that from a stranger because you missed a lot.

Next time you see a mom with her hands full and a toddler running around, tell her what a great job she's doing, tell the toddler how good he is being. Next time try to think about what you might have missed the other six hours you were not around.  That one small compliment could make a world of difference to mom and child.