Dear Mom who feels lost in Motherhood

Dear Mom who feels lost in Motherhood,

When I first heard you say you lost yourself in motherhood, I was sure you were going to gush about how happily consumed you were by it. Then I realized it was the opposite, and I must admit that I felt complete sadness overtake me. As a stay-at-home mother of three children under the age of five, I understand losing friends. I understand the concept of losing a social life and not going to a job where there is social interaction with adults. I get it. Yet, even though I get it, you and I have completely different views on losing ourselves in motherhood. That is ok; we are all entitled to our own views. I just wanted to share mine with you.

When I became a mom, there was suddenly a distance between myself and my friends who were not moms. There was even a drift between myself and my friends who were moms. You see, I did lose myself in motherhood. However, I allowed it to consume me, and I loved and still love every minute of it. A social life can be picked back up at any point. Being a mom is different than having a social life. I won’t be able to do that over or pick it up again at any point. I am ok with the fact that some friends have become distant with me; I do not need fair-weather friends, friends who do not understand my hectic schedule as a mom, or friends who do not understand where my priorities lie.

I feel sad that society has made you feel as though you have zero worth and that you should in fact be sad that you are stuck at home all day consumed by “poo-poo” and endless chaos. I feel sad that the lack of a social life makes you feel “less than” and determines your views on motherhood. I grieve that even for a split second you contemplate where your life is going and if this is, in fact, all your life will amount to. Who determines that being a stay-at-home mom is any less worthwhile than being a woman who works with no kids? After all, at the end of your days, you can’t take that college degree with you, but the love and memories of your children is something that will carry on. I chose this life as a mother, and my reward will lie in the successful adults I raise. I do not need a plaque or promotion to justify my worth as a person. It hurts my heart that one day your child might hear you say this and question if you ever enjoyed being his or her mom.

To you, the mom that might be in fact feeling as though she has lost herself in motherhood, let’s talk. There is a woman out there right now who is unable to have children. She would love to lose herself in motherhood. There is a woman who has lost her life to cancer who would give anything to come back and lose herself in motherhood. There is a woman who has lost her sweet child and would do whatever it takes to lose herself in motherhood again. You see, society wants you to think you are losing something when you become a mother. The reality is, I found myself the day I became a mother.

Sincerely,

A Mom who found herself in motherhood.