The Five Types Of Children You Meet In the Grocery Store

It’s that moment you go into the grocery alone. You are on a mini vacation while the husband is at home with the children. You plan on leisurely strolling down every aisle, picking up every single item and pretend to read the ingredients just to waste extra time. You taste test the free samples and even go back for seconds. Then suddenly, out of nowhere you hear it. It stops you dead in your tracks and you panic for a moment wondering if that was your child you just heard screaming down an aisle. Nope, not yours, not this time anyways. While on your mini vacation at the grocery store you might run into these five children while you are trying to relax, beware they might make your mini vacation feel more like a stressful day trip.

1.)    The Screamer- You can’t see her yet, but you can hear her clear across the store. She didn’t want to be put into the cart, she wanted to walk and help push the cart into things on the shelf, things in the aisle and random strangers. Her mom wouldn’t let her eat the donuts as they were walking around the store or she wanted to buckle herself in all by herself. The screamer is relentless and will not stop until mom eventually abandons the grocery cart and exits the store quickly.

2.)    The Shelf Grabber- You’ve seen this one, the poor mom pulls a little too close to the shelf, usually the shelf filled with breakable items and before she knows it, she just went from purchasing one jar of baby dill pickles to five. They also just set the entire store into complete panic from the very loud noise of all the glass breaking. You can also point out former shelf grabbers, the mom usually steers the cart directly down the middle of the aisle and doesn’t get close to the shelf after an incident has occurred. Shelf grabbers usually have good reach though and can manage to figure out a way to still knock an item off the store display in the aisle if they can’t reach initial target on shelf.

3.)    The Eater- This child is basically having dinner in the cart while mom shops. They have opened almost everything in the cart, usually just the snacks and they are chowing down. By the time mom gets to the checkout line, she is filling the conveyor belt with empty items.

4.)    The Runner- There she goes! Mom put her down for two seconds because she wanted to “walk like a big girl.” What she really meant is “Put me down so I can bolt down these aisles while you try and catch me.” There goes mom, chasing after her all while calling her name and begging her to stop. She laughs and smiles at every person she passes, deep down she is in pure panic mode and worrying about where she left her cart. Once the runner is caught, mom makes sure she buckles her in. The runner that has been caught, usually turns into the screamer.

5.)    The Aisle Blocker- “Excuse me sweetie. Excuse me. Can I just get past you really quick?” No response. Mom is further down the aisle shopping and the aisle blocker is right in the middle and refuses to let you pass. You swerve to the left with your cart, they dart in front of you. You stand there waiting for mom to notice she has an aisle blocker, doesn’t happen, she’s in the zone. There is no resolution with the aisle blocker, even getting close to them with your cart results in nothing. You are going to have to take a long detour, go around to the next aisle and back up the aisle to go around the aisle blocker.

A Glimpse Into My Thoughts After Having Baby

Let’s be honest, having a baby is very overwhelming, especially your first. You are consumed with emotions, hormones and fears. You go from worrying about your sweet baby inside your stomach to worrying about them the minute they are delivered. Some of my thoughts after giving birth stay the same and others I am not prepared for. I don’t know if you can relate but here is a glimpse inside my first few thoughts after having my first child. Things escalated rather quickly as you are about to read…..

“I don’t hear his cry”

“Wait there it is, he’s ok, and sounds like his lungs are good.”

“Fingers and toes, does he have ten fingers and ten toes. Count them now!”

“Ok, they are all there.”

“Did I have a bowel movement while delivering and nobody told me? Oh my God, please no.”

“Who cares, so what if I did, they have probably seen it before.”

“Can I have him in my arms yet??”

“Look how perfect he is!! I dare someone to say he has a cone head!”

“Let me just take a peek at all that hair under his cap.”

“No hair, it’s ok, he won’t be bald forever right??”

“Wait, why does my stomach still look pregnant, they got everything out right??”

“Maybe they left something in there!”

“I can’t keep my eyes open.”

“No really, they weight one hundred pounds right now.”

“Just a little doze…oh my god how long was I out? Where am I?”

“So, what do we do now that he’s here?”

“Maybe he will sleep all through the night, he seems to be a really good sleeper right now.”

“I think I will get up and put my regular clothes on now.”

“Oh dear, why won’t my jeans fit past my big toe?”

“Please don’t tell me I still have to wear maternity clothes??”

“Wait, I don’t remember wearing underwear with holes all in them?”

“Did I just pee myself when I got up?”

“What is going on with my body??”

Newborn Lockdown

This is what I have been on for the past seven weeks.  It's that time that your pediatrician puts the fear of God in you about leaving the house for any length of time because anywhere you go is a germ infested nightmare.  Just when you get the courage to venture (sneak) out on your own, you can hear the voice of the pediatrician and you know at the next visit they will question you about it.  They will stare you in the eyes and say “Did you leave the house at any point?” It’s not that you doubt your pediatrician, you just want to double check their advice. What do you do? 

The only logical thing of course, you Google it, find out if anyone else has left the house with a newborn and went into public early on.  You will get fifty-eight million different answers from mom's on the Baby Center, most of which will ask you "what kind of mom thinks about taking their newborn out that early?!" Since I have not been able to leave the house much, it has given me plenty of time to learn about my new guy. I would like to share with you what newborn lock down looks like for us and for those of you that will soon be experiencing this.

1.) He is constantly plotting

All that projectile vomit it not an accident.  He plans to avoid the burp cloth and aim straight for my hair, face, the seventh outfit I have just changed him into or down my shirt.  Even though he can't laugh just yet, I am pretty sure he is laughing on the inside as I panic to find anything in sight that will clean up the vomit while trying to stop it from going anywhere else.  He possibly has his father's sense of humor.

2.) He’s secretly an owl.

He sleeps the entire day away, come 11pm to 3am he is wide away and extremely happy about it. 

3.) He’s a little Houdini

The entire time we were at the hospital this guy wiggled his way out of even the most experienced nurses' swaddle.  You put a blanket on him, he will be sleeping and still kicking his way out of it.  Its pure talent really, I see it as a possible milestone.

4.) He is an over-achiever

At seven weeks this guy holds his head up for a long time and drinks six ounces like it's nothing.  Between the Houdini act and this, I'm pretty sure it should be documented and noted on admission applications to college.

5.) He has a mission

His mission is to help me lose weight.  I know this because every time I go to sit down after heating up a meal, he starts to cry.  It wouldn't be so bad if the food wasn't sitting right in front of me and I could smell it the entire time I am feeding him.  

All jokes aside, I am so blessed to be home and learning all these amazing and funny things about my two guys.  I find that my days are so much more fulfilling and entertaining with a newborn and two cheerio smashing, Mickey Mouse obsessed, on nap strike toddlers running around. 

When Your Birth Plan Doesn't Go As Planned

I will be the first to admit that as a new mom preparing for labor and delivery, I did not have a birth plan. My plan was to have a healthy baby, whatever way that was going to be. By whatever way possible I completely meant a natural birth. As you can imagine with my first child being born naturally, I was not disappointed with my plan. Then along came my second child, let’s just say he decided to mix things up a little bit. He decided to become breech at 30 weeks pregnant and stay that way. This sweet child of mine still does things his own way. Suddenly, I realized this was by no means part of my “birth plan.” Yes, I wanted a healthy baby, however I always envisioned that healthy baby being born naturally not by surgery.

I recall the moments before I was taken in for surgery and someone said something to the effect of “This is just terrible you are having a c-section. Nobody wants that and I was praying this wouldn’t happen.” I am sure the intentions were well meaning, but in my emotional and fragile state all I heard was “failure, “birth plan failed.” I began sobbing so hard, she was right, nobody wants a surgery. This was not at all what I had planned.

I remember my husband asked if I wanted him to pray with me. I couldn't speak through my sobs, I just shook my head “yes.” In his prayer he said “God, I am so thankful that you gave me a wife, a mother to my children that is willing to do whatever it takes to get our son here safely into our arms. You knew when you chose her to his mother that she would be willing to take this on even if the face of fear and the unknown.” I will never forget those words, they are the words that calmed my soul and warmed my heart. They are the words that made me suck up my tears and say with confidence “Let’s get this guy here.”

When I first heard his cry, saw his face, touched his check and kissed his face nothing else mattered. I had forgotten everything else, even that things didn't go as planned. It’s funny how moms can do this so quickly. When we hold our babies we forget about all the pain, tears, weight gain, and sleepless nights for the last nine months. We forget about the zombie state we are about to encounter once they arrive and then we are ready and willing to do it all over again.

My birth plan did not go nearly as I had planned but it went exactly how God had planned all along. The minute we know life is growing inside of us, we instantly put ourselves last and our child first. We make birth plans but the reality is, we are willing to throw that all at the window when faced with the decision to get our baby here healthy. God knew I was going to be scared, feel like a failure and be filled with worry. He knew that regardless, I would be willing to face those things and go with how He wanted our sweet son brought into this world.

In the end, how he got here is just how God wanted him to get here, it was God’s birth plan for him all along, not mine. 

C-Section Mom vs. Natural Birth Mom

Isn't that what we do as moms compare, compare, compare. It’s almost like a secret war of judgment with c-section moms and natural birth moms. I recall vividly lying to new mom friends that were natural birth moms about my c-section. It was almost as if my entire pregnancy was a failure. Even worse almost as if I as a mother was a failure. That I had somehow scared my child before even holding them because of how they were brought into this world.

That’s when I began thinking, a mom is a mom, period.

If you are a c-section mommy or a natural birth mommy you knew when you carried life that you were willing to risk your very own life for that child. You knew that the moment you laid eyes on them, touched their sweet skin and heard their first cry you would love them forever, unconditionally. You made sure to hold them just right fully supporting that sweet head. You checked and double checked the car seat on the ride home. Got up several times a night just to make sure they were still breathing. Worry about them every single minute of every single day. You become filled with complete joy when they smile at you and tell you they love you.

Sure we all do things differently as moms but at the end of the day we are the same. How you birthed your child into this world does not define you as a mom.